Consequences
by Candor
Summary: Kate's lie that she does not remember his admission of love when she was shot has unintended consequences. AU during and after Rise. This story is NOT part of the TCOP universe. Now COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

AN: This is NOT a part of the TCOP universe. This AU story explores what might have happened if Rick realized that Kate was not being truthful as she sent him away during her recovery from being shot at Montgomery's funeral. I hope you enjoy the story and I am posting at the request of one of my reviewers. Without further ado I give you "Consequences".

Chapter 1

Richard Castle was tossing and turning. His writer's mind was reliving the past few days.

"_You know what we are, Castle? We are over. Now get out."_ Would she say that and not mean it? Kate was the queen of crossed signals, though.

_"And if you're very lucky, you find someone willing to stand with you..."_ Did she mean him? Josh?

_"Kate… I love you. I love you, Kate."_ He did love her. She had the power to crush him.

"_I don't remember anything_." Her eyes, though. She may say that, but he knows her tells. She remembers more than she admits. She must not feel the same; but he knows her heart is weak and he will not hurt her by confronting her about it. How can he hurt her when she is killing him? He realizes that it's best for her if he backs off.

"_I'll call you in a few days..._" This is it; this is goodbye.

"_Of course, Beckett. I, ummm...well I hope you get better soon. I'll miss you_." He smiles softly and leans over to kiss her cheek. "_Goodbye, Kate_."

She watched as he turned away and left without looking back. He said goodbye. The tears began to flow as she watched the man she really loves walk away because she wasn't brave enough to tell him the truth.

Three months later she found herself in line at the bookstore with a copy of his latest book. As she neared the front of the line, she opened it and prepared herself.

"Who should I make it out to?"

"Kate...you can make it out to Kate." She watched him stiffen and he settled down again. He scribbled something and closed the cover. He briefly looked at her and she saw no emotion.

"Enjoy the book, Kate." He looked over to the next person in line and fixed his charming fake smile in place. "Hi! Who do I make it out to?"

She moved out of the way and felt the tears start to fall. She had hoped to talk to him...to be able to explain why she hadn't called. She had talked to Ryan and he told her that Castle had come in for a couple of weeks to help out, but the new captain kicked him out and he didn't fight it. She had realized that she loved him while she was at her dad's cabin. She walked slowly towards the door and stepped outside. She leaned against the building and opened the front of the book.

The dedication page read "_To Captain Roy Montgomery, NYPD. He made a stand and taught me all I need to know about bravery and character_." Underneath was written "To Kate, the girl with the beautiful eyes. I hope that you find the one and done you are looking for...Rick Castle."

Kate started to cry and she walked away, heading back to the emptiness of her apartment.

Several hours later, Kate closed the book, tears falling freely. Rook had been wounded and lay near death; Nikki had fought with him and had gone off for a couple weeks to clear her head. Rook was not alone, though. An old friend Jolene Sawyer of the FBI had heard of his shooting and had come to visit.

Kate knew how he wrote; she had practically lived with the man...actually for a few days, she HAD lived with him after her apartment blew up. _Jolene Sawyer_ was most likely Jordan Shaw.

Rick looked out the window, deep in thought. His dinner companion noticed. "What's wrong, Rick?"

He looked over at her. "She came to the signing this evening."

"Ah. Did you talk?" She looked worried.

He answered while still looking out the window. "Not really. She had a book to be signed. I signed it and wished her happy reading."

"Did she stick around?"

He shrugged. "Honestly, I was shocked to hear her voice. I couldn't look at her; painful memories, you know?"

"Do you still love her, Rick?"

"I think I always will care for her. She was a part of my life for four years. But I've moved on. I have to be careful with my heart."

"Well, you'll always have me. I wouldn't have survived my divorce without your help and shoulder to cry on."

He smiled warmly and laid his hand on hers. "I know, Jordan. You and Cassie are great. I'll be okay. Soon I will be better and I'll take you out to celebrate."

She winked at him. "I'll hold you to that."

"Oh, someday soon...well, I should be good now. But soon? I'll aim to misbehave!"

She snorted. "You are NOT Mal Reynolds, Rick."

"At one point I felt like him."

She grinned at him. "Okay, Captain Tightpants. I have an early morning tomorrow. Take me home and let's get some sleep." Her eyes widened as he chuckled. "You know what I mean! I'll sleep at my home and you'll sleep at yours!"

Kate woke up in the morning and dressed for work. She headed straight for the precinct and went to her desk. Looking around, she was the first one in. The murder board was empty so she started checking her email. She cleared out the junk and went back through. She saw one from Castle dated twelve days after she had left to go to her dad's cabin. She clicked it open and started reading:

_TO: Det. Beckett, Kate_

_FROM: Castle, Rick_

_SUBJECT: Last Day_

_Kate,_

_I have no idea when or if you will read this. I've tried to come in and work with the guys, but my chair seems out of place and your desk is empty, just like my heart feels. I meant it when I told you I loved you. I saw when you said that you didn't remember that you weren't being truthful. The only conclusion I could come to was that you did not feel the same way._

_I know that I forced my way onto your team just like I forced my way into your life. I'm sorry I caused you so much pain and I will always be sorry that you got shot because of me. Josh was right at the hospital. It was my fault. It makes sense that you wouldn't love me when all I've done is be a burden to you and ...well, I understand what you didn't say, Kate. You said you'd call and I think we both know that was a delaying tactic. I just found out you've left town without telling me; it lets me know where I stand and that my place is no longer beside you._

_I hope everything works out with you and Josh; you seem happy with him. My heart's breaking here, Kate. I have loved you for so long, I have no idea what to do. _

_But I want you to know that I will always cherish our time together. You gave me a dream and a character, exactly what a muse should do for her writer. I'm going to take a couple of weeks to finish the last Nikki Heat book. I will be dedicating it to Roy officially. _

_Well, I'm sure you have better things to do. Say goodbye to Kevin and Javi for me; I didn't have the heart to tell them...they think I will be away writing for a while._

_Goodbye, Kate. You will always be a part of me._

_Rick_

Kate Beckett lowered her head and let the tears fall. Rick Castle was no longer her partner. And she was no longer his muse.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:** I hope you enjoyed the 1st chapter...since both it and this chapter were so small I thought I would post them both. Enjoy!

_Disclaimer: Anything you recognize most likely belongs to someone else...I just own the plot and the occasional original character._

Chapter 2.

SSA Jordan Shaw had been an FBI agent for nearly twenty years. She was one of the Bureau's top profilers and she was very good at what she did. She had gotten married early in her career to a lawyer she had met at a fundraiser and they had a daughter Cassandra fifteen years ago. She had been a consummate professional and separated work from home until she came home a couple of years ago to find divorce papers waiting. For someone who had total control at work the chaos caused by that event threw her for a loop. She had worked so hard for so long and really had no friends to speak of. Her parents had passed away so she only had herself and Cassie. She had befriended Rick Castle years ago on the Nikki Heat case...maybe he knew a good lawyer.

She had called him and he asked her to meet him in Midtown. Twenty minutes after she called him, they were walking into a high-rise and he led her into an elevator. They got off on the 28th floor and walked into Owens, Weintrab and Reynolds, one of Manhattan's premiere law firms.

They walked up to the reception desk. "Hi Regina...is Steve available?"

The young receptionist looked up and smiled. "Hi, Rick! Is he expecting you?"

Jordan started to pull away as she knew they would never get in. "No, but we have a family emergency to discuss." Jordan almost busted out laughing when he said family emergency, but looked down to keep it in.

The receptionist picked up the phone. "Steve, Rick is here...says it's a family emergency. Okay, I'll let him know." She looked up at them. "He said to give him ten minutes. He is in with a client."

"Sure, no problem. Come on, Jordan. Let's find a seat." He kept her hand in his and pulled her to the seating area, finding two seats away from the others.

Jordan leaned in and spoke quietly. "I'm a family emergency?"

Rick chucked softly. "It's a code between us. He knows that it's not an emergency and that I need him to handle a non-business matter for me."

"But these guys are corporate lawyers...do they even handle divorces?"

"Who do you think handled both of mine?" He grinned.

"Rick, I can't thank you enough for helping me with this."

"Hey, no problem. It's what friends do."

"Rick, we only spent a couple of days together on a case...we are acquaintances."

"Let's fix that." He held out his hand. "Richard Castle...Rick to my friends."

She giggled softly. "Hi, Rick I'm Jordan...um, Jordan to my friends."

"Nope, you will henceforth be known as J...just J."

She started to respond when she noticed people coming out from behind the reception desk. Joe Torre was walking out with a man who was probably in his early forties; most likely an attorney. Rick looked around and grabbed her hand, pulling her towards them.

"Hey, Skip!"

Joe Torre looked over. "Rick! I don't see you for a while and then you're everywhere!" They both laughed. "Oh and who is this?"

Rick pulled Jordan closer. "Joe, this is Jordan Shaw, a friend of mine. Jordan, this is..."

"Joe Torre...yes I know, Rick." She held out her hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Torre."

He took her hand and smiled. "Please call me Joe." He looked over at Rick. "What happened to your detective friend?"

"She's keeping the city safe, I guess. I was writing a bit and then Jordan called me. She saved me from staring at the screen, so here I am."

"Well, I won't keep you. Ms. Shaw, have a great day! Steve, I'll get with you when I know more. And Ricky, be good."

They all watched as he made his way towards the elevator. Then Steve turned towards them. "Well, follow me, you two. Ms. Shaw, you want anything to drink?"

"No thanks."

They followed him into his office and took seats. "What can I do for you, Rick?"

"Well, Steve, it's not for me. It's for Jordan...I just brought her here to introduce you. I want you to take care of her."

He nodded. "Before we begin, I need one dollar." She raised an eyebrow and fished a dollar out of her purse and handed it to him. "Good, now I am on retainer." They all laughed. "What can I do for you?"

She swallowed. "Well, it's just a divorce..." He held a hand up.

"In my experience, it's never just a divorce, Jordan. May I call you Jordan?" At her nod he continued.

"Divorces are painful. Ask Rick here, he knows."

Rick chuckled and stood. "Well I'll let you two talk it out. Steve, she's family to me."

Jordan looked confused. "Rick, you can...I mean...would you stay?"

He sat back down and took her hand. "I'm here if you need me."

"Thanks. So here is what happened..." She told her story and answered questions for the next couple of hours. Steve took extensive notes and carefully pulled out her thoughts on property distribution, custody and the like. Rick sat there and comforted Jordan, holding her hand and supplying tissues as needed. Finally, they wrapped things up and made an appointment for the following week to continue the discussion. "So, Steve, we haven't discussed your fee."

Rick winced as Steve replied. "Let's not worry about that right now. I've got your dollar and I'll send you an invoice when we're done."

Rick piped in. "I'm going to wait out by Regina." He headed out of the office.

Jordan tensed. "Steve, I'm not sure I can afford you."

Steve chuckled. "Don't worry my fee for Rick's family is not too bad. You'll be fine."

"But Steve we aren't really related."

"Convince Rick of that...you won't be able to. Rick evidently thinks of you as at least a friend. Trust me, I've known Rick since college and he thinks of you as a friend. To him, friends are a part of his family, just not related by blood."

She shook her head. "I hardly know him. When I got the papers earlier I just thought of him...I knew he could put me in touch with someone. I figured he would give me a name and number...not shove me in front of you."

Steve laughed. "That's our Rick though; he has a heart of gold. Once you're in his family, you're in. I will tell you this, though. I've only met a few of his family…namely you, Martha and Alexis."

Her eyes widened. "Not Kate Beckett?"

Steve shook his head. "He's talked about Kate but from what I hear she pushes him away. Rick is stubborn but eventually he will give up. I just hope he survives it."

Jordan frowned. "Well, after today, I'll always be there to catch him if he falls. He saved me today."

"That's just how he is. Well, we better get out there before he has Regina laughing so hard she can't answer the phones again."

Rick sat in his office and stared at the screen. His email was open and he just got the read receipt from the email he had sent to Kate saying goodbye. He had called Javi earlier and let him know what happened last night so that he could prepare himself and Kevin for today.

He also had an email from yesterday that he had missed. It was from Jordan and it had a picture of her, Cassie and Alexis on the swings at a local park. They all had a smile on their faces and the wind flying through their hair. Alexis was so grown up looking that it choked him up. Cassie looked a lot like Jordan with her red hair and blue eyes. In fact the three of them could pass for a mother and her two daughters.

Rick smiled softly at that. Jordan had held him as he cried the night he sent the email to Kate. She had been his rock the past few weeks as he started the publicity part of the book being released. She was the one that cautioned him about killing Rook off; she had yelled at him about Derrick enough already. So Rook survived but he and Nikki were apart. And Jolene was there for Rook.

When he had handed Jordan an advanced copy she immediately went to the back to make sure Rick kept his word and kept Rook alive. When she read about Jolene Sawyer she rolled her eyes and kissed his cheek. He grinned and took the book from her hands. Opening to the dedication page, he handed it back.

Her eyes glistened as she read what was handwritten there.

_To Jordan,_

_You are my best friend and my rock. I am so glad you and Cassie are in my life._

_Yours, Rick_

He was getting from Jordan what he wanted from Kate; unconditional support. He knew that she would be there for him and that she cared for him. He was not blind to the touches and the smile that she had only for him. He found it ironic that he was holding back from someone that cared when he had suffered the same with Kate. It was time to move on fully. He had faced her and now she had read his confessional email. He mourned the loss of her as if she had died. It was telling that he felt worse than he was through either of his divorces.

He hadn't realized he was crying until he looked down at the wet spots on his shirt. He chuckled as he wiped away his tears. It was time to completely let go. He looked up at his laptop's background and Kate's goofy grin. "Goodbye, Katie." He changed his background to the picture of his girls on the swings.

He picked up his phone and scrolled through his contacts before dialing. "Hi, J. You have any plans tonight?"


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: This is a short chapter, but I wanted to get something posted for you before New Years' and I wanted to take time to thank all the reviewers. This story is a "what if" exercise; in this case what if Rick had decided that Kate's lie meant that she did not return his feelings. I had someone ask is this a Rick/Kate or a Rick/Jordan story. My first thought was to answer "Yes". I am hoping to show some of both relationships and to examine both in some details. I am currently writing Chapter 7 and am quite happy with its direction at this point. This is about the characters and what could have happened if one thing changed. Will Rick end up married to Jordan? Are Rick and Kate "soul mates"? Keep reading and let the story play out. Enjoy and thanks for taking the time to read and review!**

Chapter 3

Lanie Parish may not be as buttoned up as her friend Kate Beckett, but she does like to have a set routine. Every time she comes into work she likes to go to her locker, change into her work scrubs and then take her coffee to her desk and check emails.

For once, she was running a little early and decided to go straight to her desk. As she turned on the lights, she noticed someone slumped in her chair. "Kate?"

Kate turned around. Her carefully placed makeup a mess and her eyes swollen, she looked at Lanie. "I've lost him, Lanie. He's gone."

Lanie did not have to ask who she was talking about. "Kate, he's just confused. What did he say when you called him from your dad's cabin?" Kate's guilty look said it all. "You didn't call him, did you?"

Kate looked at the floor. "I tried to…but I couldn't be who he wanted me to be. I just wanted to be the best I could for him."

"Oh, girl! All he wanted was you, warts and all! That man has pined for you for years. You getting shot almost killed him, Kate. He was in the ambulance when you coded and he looked so lost. That man loves you!"

"Loved me."

"What? Talk to me Kate."

"I was standing there in the cemetery telling about how Roy had said that we all have to make a stand. I looked over at Castle and smiled…he smiled back. Then he yelled my name and I started to turn towards him and then felt the burning in my chest. He was on top of me, begging me to stay with him. Just before I blacked out I can remember hearing him say he loved me."

Lanie smiled. "See?"

"No, Lanie. I never said it back to him. I told him in the hospital that I didn't remember much after I was shot."

"So you lied to him?"

Kate broke down in sobs. "Yeah. And then I said I would call him."

Lanie shook her head; now his behavior after she left for her dad's cabin made sense. "So, let me get this straight. The man bares his soul to you. You pretend to not have heard. You then proceed to make an excuse not to have to talk to him while waving Motorcycle Boy in his face. Am I right so far?"

Kate looked up. "Well I did break up with Josh before I left the hospital."

"Does Rick know that?"

"No."

"So you know Writer Boy's brain better than anyone. Did you think that he wouldn't imagine you away with Josh recuperating? You said you didn't remember…you didn't call. You basically led him to believe it was one sided. Did you know that he went crazy with grief over you? He was spending 24 hours a day trying to find the man that shot you for over a week. Finally when Gates came in she tried to throw him out. He fought her and did not want to give up on it. About two weeks after you got out of the hospital he finally let her win and walked out. I have never seen someone so down, Kate. And now, after what you've told me…he had decided that you didn't want him."

Kate started crying softly again. "I know Lanie…look at this." She handed Lanie a copy of his email.

Lanie was unsuccessful at holding back her own tears. "I think you're right, honey. He's gone. Did you call him?"

"I went to his signing last night."

"Did you talk to him?"

"No…he looked up at me, signed my book and said happy reading…like I was just another fan."

"Oh, honey. He was probably just in shock."

"No, Lanie. His book says it all. Rook and Nikki are apart and Jolene is with Rook now."

"Jolene? Who the hell is Jolene?"

"Jordan. Jordan Shaw."

"The FBI chick?"

"Yeah. I don't know what to do, Lanie."

"Well, it seems to me you have two choices. One, you move on."

"And the other?"

"Go get your man."

Jordan woke up and got ready for her run. She pulled on a pair of yoga pants and threw a tank top over her sports bra. Tying her shoes, she thought back to her phone conversation with Rick from last night

_She picked up her ringing phone. "Hi, J. You have any plans tonight?"_

_She smiled. "Not sure, Rick. It's a little late and I have an early day tomorrow."_

_"I was thinking dinner. You and Cassie come over and hang out. Alexis and I were going to watch a movie and order in."_

_She could hear the anguish in his voice. "I have to admit your offer is quite tempting."_

_He laughed softly. "Oh, I know how I could tempt you J."_

_Jordan felt the heat rise up in her cheeks. "Don't get ahead of yourself, Rick. I still haven't decided." She looked up at her almost ready dinner. She knew, though…he wouldn't have called her if he didn't need her. She looked up at the clock and then decided. "Okay, Rick. I have something to finish here and then we'll come over. Thirty minutes okay?"_

_"Absolutely! Is Chinese good?"_

_She smiled. "Yeah, that's fine. Get a couple extra egg rolls. Cassie loves them."_

_"I will. And thanks, J. You're the best."_

_She smiled. "See you in a few, Rick."_

_"Can't wait." She ended the call just as the timer sounded. She walked over and pulled the casserole out of the oven as her daughter walked into the kitchen._

_"Hey, Mom. Something smells good."_

_Jordan chuckled. Yeah, it's for tomorrow night; I just wanted to have something ready to warm up. We're heading over to Rick and Alexis' tonight for takeout and a movie."_

_Cassie looked at her mother curiously. "Is something going on with you and Rick?"_

_Jordan busied herself wrapping the casserole in aluminum foil. "Maybe? He has been trying to get with someone but she has been brushing him off. I think he may be seeing that she isn't worth it."_

_"So we're going over so that you can see him and pretend you didn't cook dinner for us, right?"_

_Jordan laughed. "Yeah, something like that. You are way too smart."_

_"Give me a few to get ready."_

_"Meet you back here in ten?" They both laughed and made their way to their respective bedrooms._

She exited their building and started a light jog. She randomly chose her path each day to remain unpredictable. As she made her way towards Central Park, she thought back on the fun evening she had when they got to Rick's place.

_They chatted while they ate; Alexis was talking about her History class while Cassie was talking about a cute new guy that had started school that day. Rick would interject a story about how he was really a famous musician incognito, like Hannah Montana. They all laughed and teased him. He just shrugged and winked at Jordan._

_After dinner, the girls picked a movie and they all settled in. Jordan sat near Rick on the couch and the girls lay down on the floor using pillows. Partway through the movie, Rick put his hand on Jordan's and shortly after she pulled her feet up and leaned on him. The whole thing was very comfortable and Jordan found herself envisioning this type of evening more often. But she knew that until Rick was completely over Kate that this should be the exception, not the norm._

_When the movie was over, everyone got up and the Shaw ladies started for the door. Cassie gave Alexis a quick hug before coming over and giving Rick the same. She whispered in Rick's ear. "Mom's nervous so play nice, ok?" He nodded slightly and she pulled away. "Thanks for inviting us over."_

_Rick smiled and looked at Jordan. "We love having you here."_

_Jordan looked over at her daughter. "Why don't you go warm up the car? I'll just be a minute." Alexis said goodnight and headed up the stairs._

_Cassie nodded and took the keys from her mom. After she had headed down the hall towards the elevator, Jordan turned to Rick. "Thanks, Rick. It was a relaxing evening."_

_"Thanks for coming over, J. Oh, and thanks for fibbing and not telling me you had dinner almost ready."_

_Jordan grinned and shook her head. "Well, it's not like it won't reheat well. Are you okay?"_

_He shrugged. "She finally read that email."_

_"And how do you feel about that?"_

_"I'm not sure. Relieved…sad…maybe a little melancholy? But mainly I am trying to ready myself to have that chapter of my life completely closed. I want someone who wants to be with me because I'm a decent guy, not because I fought so hard for them. I want someone to laugh with and someone who can take being a little in the spotlight. I am a little famous and I want someone to love being with me in spite of that."_

_She smiled softly. "You are a great guy, Rick. When you are ready there will be some woman who will be the luckiest girl in the world to have you love her."_

_He stepped up and gave her a hug. "Do you mind if we talk after you get ready for bed? I have some things I need to get off my chest but you have Cassie waiting in the car."_

_She looked up into his eyes and smiled. "Sure, Rick. I'll text you, ok?" She pulled his head down and kissed his cheek._

_He smiled and kissed her forehead. "Now git before your daughter grounds me!" She laughed and headed for the elevator._

As she stood in the shower that night before bed, she thought back to their conversation and smiled. He had surprised her, to be sure. Maybe she was being too noble; Kate had hurt him. She wanted to be sure that he had no regrets if they got into a relationship. She had already fallen for him. She was worried that they would start something and then somehow Kate would do something…ugh! This was too much like high school drama. She was in her 40's and was way past this!

She sent him a text and the phone rang almost immediately. "Were you watching your phone?"

"Creepy?"

She giggled. "No, it's kind of sweet." The silence dragged on. "Rick?"

"Oh, sorry. So…sweet, eh? Thanks for that, J."

She heard the hesitancy in his voice. "So what did you want to talk about?"

"The elephant in the room."

"Ah. So, talk. What is going on inside your head, Rick?"

"J…you know I started seeing someone to talk about things, right?"

"Yeah…is everything ok, Rick? You're scaring me a little."

"Oh! No, we are fine, J. I went to see Dr. Lowell yesterday and he told me that I had been a victim of abuse."

"What? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I found out yesterday?"

"I think you had better explain."

"Yeah…well, according to him the relationship that Kate and I had wasn't healthy. Her constant take without giving is a sort of abuse. We talked about it for a while and I realized that he is right. I would have done anything for her and I think she knew that. Her throwing other men in my face was as brutal to me as if she had hit me. The doctor said that I was like an abuse victim and he was spot on. I was always making excuses for her behavior. But he made me understand that it was partially my fault too. I let her treat me that way. And it was self-destructive. Sure, I changed for the better mostly, but at the cost of being me. I gave her the power to treat me poorly. I thought I was so madly in love with her but the doctor helped me to realize that it may be that I was in love with the person who I made her out to be. She personified Nikki to me. But she was an ideal and not the person I thought she was or needed her to be."

Jordan wiped the tears from her cheeks, glad he could not see her. "How do you feel about that?"


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Wow what a response I am getting to this story! I appreciate each and every review, even those that are negative. I do want to remind those that do not like the story that you have every right not to read it. I was shocked that a reviewer had to resort to cursing but I do realize that there are serious shippers out there (I have been on this site for more than 10 years) but as I stated in the beginning this is an AU 'what if' story. I've been asked to declare if this is a Rick/Kate or a Rick/Jordan story. My first thought was to reply with 'Yes' because I feel that it is a bit of both. If you really want to know, read the story. This is the longest chapter yet and a Happy New Year's gift to my loyal readers. I am now working on Chapter 8. I do hope that most of you are enjoying the journey so far. Happy reading!**

Chap 4

Rick sat for a moment. "Honestly? I am still processing it. There's pain, obviously. I dedicated almost three years of my life towards the idea of Kate and I being together. I once told her that 'the heart wants what the heart wants'. But the heart on the other end has got to want the same thing. And I have had no clearly stated indication from her that my feelings are reciprocated. "

Jordan replied softly. "And if you had that indication?"

Rick's eyes began watering as he answered her. "Are you asking if she came to me right this minute and professed her love, what would I do?"

Jordan found herself cringing at his response. "Yeah, Rick. That's what I am asking."

"You know, it's funny. I have spent so long being hurt by her and yet it's not in my nature to be spiteful. So I am not sure exactly what words I would use. I do know that our opportunity is over. Kate and I will never be more than friends, if we can even be that. She hasn't really stayed friends with any of her ex-boyfriends and while I know we never made it to that stage, we were as close in most respects. I will be honest that my heart is aching in saying it out loud."

Jordan had muted her phone so that he could not hear her sobbing in relief. She had found herself more and more invested in a possible future with him, but she could not move forward until he could let things with Kate go. When she had first met him they didn't interact much so she just thought him cute and charming. As she got to spend more time with him, she not only saw that they had a lot in common, but that the way his relationship worked with Kate Beckett was not healthy. Over time, she had not only become his confidant but she found herself falling for him.

"Jordan?"

She quickly caught her breath and unmuted the phone. "Um, yeah, Rick?"

"Are you okay?"

She laughed softly. "Aren't I the one supposed to be asking you that?"

"Maybe? I'm sorry to unload this on you."

"C'mon, Rick. You know I care...I want to help you."

"I know you care. You've fast become my best friend, J. And I know there is something more growing between us. I need a bit and I'll be ready to explore things with you...if you want to?"

She smiled softly. "Yeah, I think that'd be something worth checking into when we are both ready."

"Just don't give up on me, okay? I'll need you, Cassie and Alexis to help me through the next few weeks. If I know Kate like I do, now that I am not available she'll decide it's time and come at me."

"I'm here, Rick. I want to see if there is more with us, but I did not want to say anything until you could say that you were ready."

Rick yawned. "Man this getting things off your chest is tiring."

Jordan chuckled. "Yeah it is."

Rick smirked. "So you need any help getting your chest exposed?"

Jordan groaned and then smiled. "Good night, Rick."

He snickered. "Until tomorrow, J. And thanks."

Nearly a week later, the twelfth precinct was quiet for once. Kate looked up at the clock; almost noon. There had been no call outs so they had been working cold cases all day. Each one she had read prompted her to think of one of Rick's theories. But her partner wasn't there...just his chair. She looked over at Ryan and Espo. They were working and chatting. She had never realized how alone she was until Rick came into her life. She had taken him for granted, ignored him...and told him she hadn't heard him tell her he loved her.

She decided to try to eat something. "Hey guys, I'm going to grab lunch; you in?" Espo shook his head.

Ryan looked up guiltily. "I'm going to grab lunch with a friend...sorry."

She shook her head. "No problem. I should be back pretty quickly." She grabbed her purse and headed out. When she got to the street, she decided to walk to Remy's. When she got inside, she froze. Everywhere she looked she was reminded of Rick. They had eaten here so many times...she caught herself and took a seat at the counter.

One of the waitresses, Vera, came up to take her order. "Hi, Detective…alone today? Where's your partner in crime?"

Kate inwardly winced. "Oh, yeah...just me today. I'll take my usual, thanks." Vera nodded and walked towards the kitchen. Kate looked around while she waited. She missed Rick's people watching stories. She found herself imagining if the guy next to her was a spy on a mission, just killing time drinking a shake. She looked at one of the booths in the back and saw an auburn haired girl facing her laughing at something her booth partner said. She saw the top of a very familiar colored head and cringed. That head could only belong to Alexis. Should she go say hi or not? It was on the way to the ladies room...she could use that as an excuse.

"Cass, you totally should ask him out."

"Oh, hi, Alexis."

Alexis stopped and glared at the interruption, especially from her! "Detective."

Kate did not expect the cold reception...but maybe she should have. "Oh, didn't mean to interrupt. I just heard your voice and didn't want to be rude."

Alexis looked at her table partner. "No problem, Detective. Have a nice day."

Kate was shocked. She had never heard that tone from the teen before. "Uh, you too." She turned back to her seat, suddenly not hungry. Vera put her plate down.

"Um, can you please box it up for me? I have to get back."

"Sure." Vera was used to this as she served a lot of cops. "Here you go." Kate paid the bill and left, headed back towards the precinct.

Rick was standing across from Remy's waiting on his lunch 'date'. He chuckled to himself at the thought.

"Hey, Castle!"

"Kevin, I think that since I am no longer at the 12th you can call me Rick."

"Nah, you're Castle."

Rick laughed and nodded as he looked over towards the restaurant. "Hang on a second...isn't that Beckett?" They watched her come out of the restaurant and head back to the precinct. It was evident that she had been crying.

"She's been doing that a lot lately and she won't tell us why. Come on, let's grab a bite."

Rick nodded and they made their way inside. He was shocked to hear an angry Alexis and headed her way. "Hey, girls."

Ryan looked up and saw the two in the booth. He smiled at Alexis. "Hey little Castle."

Alexis smiled and rolled her eyes. "Hi, Detective Ryan. Hi Dad. What are you doing here?"

He smirked and winked at Cassie. "Gee, Pumpkin, I don't know...lunch time and in a restaurant..."

Cassie snorted. "Gee, Rick. Oh and you just missed Detective Beckett." Alexis almost growled and Ryan looked worried.

Rick looked at Ryan. "Don't worry, Kevin. Beckett is a sore spot in our household." He looked at Alexis. "I saw her leave. Did she say anything to you?"

Cassie laughed. "She tried to but Miss Fireball here shut her down."

Rick looked at Ryan and sighed. "Kevin, Cassie Shaw. Cassie, Kevin Ryan. Kevin's a friend of mine from wo...he's a friend."

Cassie smiled. "Nice to meet you, Mr. Ryan."

"You too...Shaw? Are you related to Jordan Shaw?"

"Yeah, she's my mom."

Ryan's eyebrows lifted and Rick rolled his eyes. "You girls be good. Kevin and I are going to grab a burger. See you at home." Ryan's eyebrows rose further when Rick kissed both girls on their heads and moved to a different booth.

Rick sighed after they ordered. "Go ahead and ask."

"So, Alexis and Cassie Shaw?"

"Yeah. After I figured out that Beckett didn't really want me around anymore, Alexis and I started hanging out with Jordan and Cassie. We've been friends for a couple years but really didn't advertise it."

"Wait...Beckett told you she didn't want you around anymore?"

"Yeah...well, you know Beckett. She doesn't tell anyone how she feels. But she basically told me to get lost while she recovered. I mean...you know, I thought she and I were best friends and I lo...cared about her a lot. But she told me to leave the hospital right after she was shot and said she would call. Well when I found out she left to go up to her dad's cabin with Doctor Motorcycle Boy...well, I can read the writing on the wall. So I had to back out and get my head straight. I've tried to get behind Kate's walls for years, and Motorcycle Boy does it in a week! My therapist advised me to move on, and I think it's time."

"Whoa, so you are gone for good?"

"Yeah…I can't work with her anymore. I hate that I really can't talk to you guys anymore; I know she would give you a hard time."

"I feel like Javi and I are kids of divorced parents..."

Rick chuckled. "Yeah, I get that. She'll have you during work hours but maybe sometimes on weekends we can get together for a Madden fest or something."

"Visitation rights, eh? Hey, why isn't Javi here?"

"One word: Lanie. You know how she and Beckett are. I didn't want to put him into a hard place with her. I figured you could let him know I am not mad at you guys. I just need to step away from Beckett before I self-destruct."

Ryan nodded. "I'll tell him." Rick smiled as their food came. They made small talk and ate. When they had finished, Rick paid the bill and they headed outside.

Ryan smiled and held his hand out so that they could 'feed the birds'. "Oh, by the way?"

Rick looked up. "Yeah?"

"You and Jordan Shaw?"

Rick grinned. "Maybe. Have to let my heart heal a bit first."

Ryan nodded. "Yeah, bro...I can hear you. I better run. I'll try to call you this weekend?" At Rick's nod Ryan headed back to work and Rick headed home to think.

Jordan picked up her cell. "Shaw."

"Hi, Mom."

"Hi sweetie! How are you?"

"Pretty good. Lex and I had lunch at this place called Remy's...the burgers were great!"

"Rick took me there once. I liked their chocolate shakes. Did you have fun?"

"Well, some. But then someone showed up and put Alexis in a mood."

Jordan closed her eyes. "Who was it?"

"Detective Bitch-it."

Jordan snorted. "Cass, it's Beck-ett."

"Yeah, whatever; Anyway, she came over and tried to talk to Lex and Lex shut her down."

"I bet it was awkward."

"Yeah...but she looked like she was going to cry and left quickly. And a few minutes later Rick and his friend Ryan walked in."

Jordan winced. "Was he okay?"

"He seemed to be. Just said hi and the two of them walked to an open table and talked while they ate. Lex and I left and came back to the loft."

"Okay. Are you going to be there when I get off work?"

"Yep. Lex said to call you to come for dinner so we can meet here."

"Okay...you schemers can plan and plot. I should be there around 6. Bye, Tweedledee."

Cassie laughed. "Bye Mrs. Castle."

Jordan hung up the phone and shook her head as she pulled another file off of the stack.

Kate was sitting at the precinct trying to concentrate on a cold case when her phone rang. "Beckett."

"Hey girl; you need to get out. Want to go to a club tonight?"

Kate closed her eyes. "I don't know, Lanie. I'm not sure I would be good company right now."

"Come on...you need to get your confidence back! Wear something sexy and let's a have a few drinks and hang out for a couple of hours."

Kate sighed. "You won't leave me alone until I say yes, will you?"

"Ha! I knew I could get you out. Meet you at your place at 9...be ready to go."

"Okay. See you then."

Rick sat at his desk deep in thought. He had stopped at his scheduled therapist visit and talked about what to do in regards to Kate. It ate at him that he cared so much about her but could never trust her with his heart. He was trying to decide the best approach when he realized someone was shaking him.

"Dad!"

Rick looked over at Alexis. "Sorry, Pumpkin. I was zoned out."

Alexis rolled her eyes. "So...Jordan or Beckett? Which one was it?"

Rick sighed. "I'm sorry you are going through this, Alexis. You should not have to deal with my problems."

"It's okay Dad. You helped me when I needed it. I am just returning the favor."

Rick smiled at her. "Thanks. So what do I owe the pleasure to?"

"Cass and I wanted to know if we can go spend the night at Paige's house."

Rick raised an eyebrow. "What did Jordan say?"

"She said it was up to you." Alexis looked down for a second. Rick inwardly grinned; that was her tell that she was not being truthful. "Hmmm...Can I think on it for a couple minutes? I need to get something down."

"Sure, Dad! We'll be in the kitchen."

Rick picked up his laptop and walked back into his office. He closed the door and hit play on the micro-recorder next to his keyboard. The sounds of keys clicking could be heard. He smirked and texted Jordan to ask her if she knew of the girls' plans. Her negative response prompted him to call her. "Hey pretty lady… you have a minute?"

Jordan grinned. "For my favorite writer? The next 60 seconds are all yours!"

Rick laughed softly. "Funny. Hey did Cass ask you to go to Paige's house for a sleepover?"

"No. She did mention dinner at your place though. Why?"

"I believe our wayward children are plotting. Lex asked me if THEY could go to Paige's place and I asked what you had said..."

"So they are already working us against each other? We are in deep trouble!"

Rick grinned. "I know! Isn't it great?!"

Jordan rolled her eyes. "Ok, Richard...please focus; now, how do we get them back?"

"Mwahaha...here's what we do..."

Rick hung up with Jordan and stopped the recording. He schooled his features and then walked back into the living room where the girls sat talking. "So, Cass, your mom said it was okay?"

Cassie looked at Alexis and nodded. Ah-ha! She couldn't look at him either. "Well, okay then. Call a car to take you over.

Alexis smiled. "Thanks, Dad. Um, I think Jordan said she might come over. Maybe you could surprise her and take her to dinner?"

Rick pretended to think. "Maybe…I might just pop in a movie and order takeout. I'm sure she has plans."

Cassie's head jerked up. "No! I mean, no, she doesn't have plans. She would have told me."

"Hm...I guess I will think about it. Do you need any money, Pumpkin?"

"No. I have some. We'll probably be back early afternoon, so don't worry about breakfast...for us."

Rick almost laughed out loud at her lack of subtlety. "Oh, ok. Well you have fun then. I'll call the car." Rick dialed and ordered the car. "It will be here in about fifteen minutes so go get your bag together."

She nodded and he went back into his office to really type some of his next chapter. Ten minutes later he got a kiss on the head from both girls and he heard the loft door close. He finished the chapter and saved it before he called Jordan. "Hey...yeah they just left. Are you sure you're up for this? It won't only be seen by them. Okay...meet you at your place in an hour? Okay...see you then, J." He smirked as he thought what they would be doing.

He grabbed his phone and hit a speed dial button. "Hey, Paula...I know that it's last minute, but do you think you could phone in a tip for me? Yeah, Jordan and I are going out to be seen. Sure! Yeah I can wear that. I'll text you where we are headed. Bye." He texted the planned itinerary to her and headed off to shower and get ready. The girls wanted to spark something...he would give them the works...mwahaha.

Jordan opened her door and froze. Rick was wearing a black suit with an open-collared blue shirt that matched his eyes. He smiled when he saw her. She was wearing a green dress that went well with her auburn hair and showed just enough cleavage to attract attention. "Well, hello handsome."

Rick leaned in and kissed her cheek. "Hello yourself. You look great…here." He handed her a deep pink rose.

She smiled. "Thanks, Rick. Come in for a second and I will put this in water. What does the color stand for?"

"Basically? It's thank you for being in my life. I don't know what I would have done without you these past few months."

She walked back and places the bud vase on the table. "I don't know what I would have done without you either. I do care about you, Rick." _In fact, I love you, she thought._

Rick smiled. "I feel the same. Well, shall we? We have people to see, places to go, paparazzi to entertain."

She shook her head and grabbed her purse. After licking her door, they walked outside to a waiting limousine. "A limo?"

Rick chuckled. "Tonight, my dear...we make a statement. Tomorrow we watch the girls and laugh." He helped her into the back seat and they pulled off to their first stop.

Jordan leaned against Rick in the seat and they made small talk as they rode through the busy streets of the city. When the car stopped and they got out, Jordan almost fainted. "You got us into Daniel? This place is impossible to get a reservation for!"

Rick smiled. "I know a guy."

They entered and approached the Maitre'D. "Reservation for Castle." Jordan looked at him in shock_. He never used his last name!_

"Ah, yes. Please, Mr. Castle, follow me." He led them to a table in the center of the room. Rick pulled out Jordan's chair and seated her before seating himself. They were handed menus and told the sommelier would be with them shortly.

After he left, Jordan looked at Rick. "So...we are in the most visible table in one of the best restaurants in the city. All we need is..." Flash! "..._paparazzi_."

Rick smiled and took her hand. Another flash! "Hey, I called Paula. She in turn tipped off some folks."

"Ah, Ricky!"

"Daniel!"

Jordan turned around to watch the two men shake hands. "Daniel, may I introduce to you the lovely Jordan Shaw, my date for this evening? Jordan, Daniel Boulud, the owner."

Daniel leaned over and kissed her hand. "A pleasure to meet you, Ms. Shaw. Rick's told me about you."

Jordan raised an eyebrow. "He did?" The men laughed.

Daniel waved over the sommelier. "For these two, bring a bottle of the 2008 Domaine Leflaive Puligny-Montrachet Les Folatières er Cru on the house. I will prepare something special for you two. Have a good evening!" With that he walked back to the kitchen.

A few minutes later, they were enjoying their wine and the menus had been removed. Jordan looked at Rick. "_You know a guy_?"

"Yeah, Daniel and I met a couple of years ago when I was researching French cuisine. He was great and asked me about Black Pawn as he was considering moving to a different publisher."

"So what can we expect for dinner?"

"Heavenly perfection. The Roasted Colorado Lamb Rack is Mother's favorite, but I am fond of the Grilled Halibut."

They continued talking about the menu but soon were discussing their plans for the girls. "Rick, you realize that everyone will see the pictures on Page 6, right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Do your friends at the 12th see them?"

Rick sat quietly for a minute. "Is there a reason why you don't want to be seen with me, J? I guess I pushed this on you. If you want, we can go."

"Hold on there, cowboy! Did I say that?"

"No, but you were concerned..."

Jordan interrupted him. "Rick! I'm having fun! I just wanted to make sure you had thought it out in case there was someone you didn't want to see anything."

"Jordan. Listen to me, please. The only people that I am concerned about are you, Mother and the girls. Anyone else that doesn't like it...well, honestly, I know some people will not like it."

"And you are okay with that?"

"J, that part of my life is in the past. Even if you weren't here, I wouldn't be _THERE_, okay?"

"Okay." The food arrived and they spent the next thirty minutes eating and sipping their wine.

After they finished, they left the restaurant and got back in the limo to head to their next destination. "Where are we headed?"

Rick grinned. "Feel like dancing?"

Jordan smiled. "I've not been dancing in years!"

"Well tonight, milady, we'll get you out on the dance floor."


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Wow...the reviews are certainly polarized!**

**Let me explain my thoughts on some of them:**

**1) Relationships...there are many types including being lovers and being friends. Folks are asking will it be Rick/Jordan or Rick/Kate...are you the folks that read the last few pages of a book first? I am not hedging my bets as I have a definite plan on who will be with whom but hopefully it's worth the journey to find out. Yes, sometimes the characters in this story may act differently than on the show; this is being written as a 'what if' AU story.**

**2) Actors vs. Characters: Jordan Shaw is a character who was portrayed by an actress in her late 50's. Dana Delany is a very beautiful late 50's. My version of the charcter is closer to Rick's age and is in her mid 40's. Her daughter is a couple of years younger than Alexis. Again, this is an AU.**

**Thanks again for all the reviews. I do enjoy them and they teach me the things I need to work on as a writer. I hope everyone had an enjoyable holiday! I have just finished writing chapter 8 and I am not seeing the end yet, so hopefully this will be a good journey for everyone. Enjoy!**

CHAPTER 5

Kate and Lanie walked into the Marquee dance club in Chelsea about 11:30 PM and headed for the bar. Kate ordered a drink and looked around. After she and Lanie had gotten their drinks, they made their way to the end of the bar and sipped them. The DJ was playing some salsa music and the floor was jumping. They had been there about twenty minutes when a guy came over and asked Kate to dance. She shrugged and said yes and they got onto the floor. Lanie was watching her purse when she saw a familiar face near the middle of the dance floor. Her eyes widened when she realized that Castle was there with Jordan Shaw. They were laughing and joking when he turned and saw Kate dancing with the guy. He shook his head and led Jordan over to get a drink.

Lanie was shocked to see that while Castle was surprised to see Kate there, he was not upset. Kate had not seen him though and started dancing a little more suggestively. Lanie started panicking; if she wanted to get back with Castle she needed to be warned. She looked over to see where Castle was but could not find him in the crowd. When she turned back she almost fainted. Castle and Shaw were about ten feet away and walking towards her.

"Hello, Dr. Parish."

Lanie felt trapped. "Hi, Castle. Hello Agent Shaw."

Jordan nodded and looked to Rick. "I just saw you and Beckett, but she looked..._involved_. I wanted to say hi before we headed out. Tell her I said hello, would you?"

"Um...sure. See you later."

"Goodbye, Dr. Parish. Have a good evening." She watched as they made their way to the door.

"That was fun. It was nice to be able to let loose a little bit!"

Lanie looked over at her friend with tears in her eyes. Kate looked up. "What's wrong?"

"Kate...you just missed Castle."

Kate paled. "No. You did not just say that Rick was here."

Lanie nodded. "Yes I did. He was here with Jordan Shaw."

Kate burst into tears. "Did he see me?"

Lanie hesitated. "He did. He said you looked 'involved'".

"_Shit_."

Jordan rolled over and looked at the door. She shook her head and realized that she was in the guest bedroom at the loft. Checking her phone, it was 9:30. She sat up and put her feet on the floor just as she heard a knock. "Come in."

Rick opened the door and smiled. "Morning."

"Morning. You seem chipper."

"The sun is shining and I have a beautiful woman in my apartment. It's looking to be a good day."

Jordan chuckled. "I don't feel too beautiful at the moment."

"Ah but beauty is in the eye of the beholder, my dear."

"My dear?"

"Yes?"

She rolled her eyes. "Never mind. I need a shower."

"Come down when you're ready and I will have some coffee and breakfast ready."

She nodded and made her way into the bathroom after grabbing her bag. "See you in fifteen."

After she showered and dressed, she made her way down to the kitchen to see Rick with the paper spread in front of him. He looked up at her, grinning like a loon.

"Good, I take it?"

He laughed. "Come see for yourself."

She walked over and looked at the paper turned to page 6.

**NEW YORK LEDGER**

_IS THE MUSE NO LONGER AMUSING?_

_Last night author Rick Castle was spotted with Jordan Shaw, an FBI agent he has been rumored to be seeing in the past. They dined at Daniel, the upscale eatery before dancing at Marquee. On the same floor, Castle's (former?) muse NYPD Detective Kate Beckett, who for a long time was rumored to be involved with the author, danced intimately with another man. The writer and his muse left separately afterward without acknowledging each other._

There were pictures of Rick and Jordan at the restaurant and the club, as well as a picture of Kate and the guy she danced with.

Rick sighed. "Well, I didn't expect to run into Beckett, but our photos look good."

Jordan looked at Rick. He looked fine. "Yes they do."

Rick smiled. "So when the girls get back...are you ready?"

"Yeah." She grinned. "So, want to watch a movie?"

"Sure, you pick and I will be in shortly." Jordan sat down and scrolled through the movies, finally settling on one. Rick joined her on the couch and they snuggled in while they waited the arrival of their daughters.

Kate sat at her desk deep in thought. She had a file open in front of her but her mind was elsewhere. She had the Ledger in her desk drawer and had seen the pictures. She had begun to hope that she still had a chance but after last night she was no longer sure. She sighed and began to review the case file. As she read, she thought about how much she missed Rick's banter and his outlandish theories. She had not realized how much more tolerant he made dealing with the concept of murder.

She was interrupted by Captain Gates. "Detective Beckett?"

Kate got up and headed towards her office. "Yes, Sir?"

"Close the door and take a seat." Kate did as she was told. "I believe it is safe to say that you have settled back in since your return, correct?"

"Yes, Sir. I have waited to call my partner in until we had a body, Sir, but the rest of the team is ready.

"Ah, yes. I believe by your partner, you mean Mr. Castle, correct?"

Kate nodded. "He has become a very important part of our team."

Gates looked down at her desk a moment and she took her glasses off. "Beckett...Mr. Castle has resigned as a civilian consultant."

Kate's eyes widened. "He did what?"

"It was almost two months ago. He thanked the NYPD and your team especially and then he handed in his resignation. I thought he would have contacted you, being your partner."

Kate was in shock. "I, um, well I was recuperating out of town and had cut off all communication in order to focus on my recovery."

"Well, perhaps he tried to call then. Well, you should expect a new partner within the week. Dismissed." Kate got up and walked out of the office.

She looked over at Ryan and Esposito. "Guys, did you know that Castle resigned?"

Ryan looked at his partner then turned towards Kate. "Yeah, Beckett. He said he called you to let you know."

She sighed. "He called but I had turned off my phone for a while when I was at the cabin. He left a message but I didn't call back."

Ryan's eyes narrowed. "Look, Beckett, you know I have your back. But we liked Castle and he was part of our team, too. The man was heartbroken when he realized that his own partner had ditched him and gone into hiding without telling him. I can't say I blame him for leaving, especially as he was constantly being reminded that he wasn't a cop." He looked over at Esposito. "Bro, I'm going for a walk to clear my head. Be back in fifteen."

Kate looked at Ryan's back as he headed for the stairs before turning to Esposito. "What did I do to Ryan?"

"Look, Beckett. Kev loved working with Castle, ya know. He respects you and would do anything for you, but he was not only a fan; Castle treated us like brothers. He left because you basically treated him like he didn't matter; the man was in love with you, Kate. We all saw it. He watched you first with Demming and then with Josh. And then you sent him away and proceeded to sneak off. What the hell was he supposed to think?"

Kate had tears running down her cheeks. "I know, Javi. He's gone and I don't think I can get him back. I love him, too...and I'm afraid it's too late."

"You're right." Kate turned around and saw Alexis and the other girl from the restaurant.

Alexis threw down a copy of the Ledger. "You basically threw Dad away. You used him for three years and then he realized that any relationship that the two of you were ever going to have would be one sided, with you taking and him giving. I'm glad the therapist finally made him realize that. Stay away from him, _Detective_. I'm finally getting my Dad back. You had your chance and you blew it. You say you love him? Then let him go." She grabbed the paper back and the two girls walked out.

Beckett ran to the ladies room in tears.

Rick sat on the couch with Jordan snuggled into his side. He had quit watching the movie not too long after it started. He looked down at the top of her head and kissed it.

Jordan looked up at him, smiling. "What was that for?"

"Do I need a reason?"

"I guess not, Are you OK?"

He sighed. "I'm getting there. In a way, I'm glad we ran into Beckett and Lanie last night. It looks like she is getting on with her life."

"And how does that make you feel, Rick?"

He sat for a moment. "I'm relieved more than anything. Maybe she'll let go."

"Are you sure?"

"Look at me." She turned around. "Jordan, I thought when she took off after saying that she would call me that I would never trust another woman with my heart; If I had not gone to the therapist that might be true." He brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "He made me realize that it was not my fault that she did not want me. He suspected that she would never be able to hold a stable relationship due to the tragedies in her life. As much as I cared for her, I knew he was right. I had to let go of the illusions that I had created for myself. I loved her but I was not in love with her. She never let me get close enough to see inside the walls she had built up after her mother's death. I hope one day she can let someone inside."

Jordan looked into his eyes and smiled softly. "Oh, Rick, you are such a good man; I've always thought so." She tenderly stroked his cheek wit the back of her hand. "You are amazing, do you know that?"

Rick shook his head. "I'm not amazing, Jordan. I'm just a guy who's been very lucky in life. I had this gift to throw some words on a page and sell the result."

Jordan snorted. "You throw words on a page? That's like saying Michelangelo knocked a few chips off of a block. You have a way with words that moves people, Rick. Your mind creates worlds that draw people in and allows them to escape their lives."

"Okay, you win." He grinned and held her tighter. "You are a wonderful woman, Ms. Shaw. I do not know what I would do without you."

"Be a good boy and you won't have to find out, Mr. Castle."

"But being bad is so much more fun!"

She snorted. "Only you, Rick."

He started to respond when the sound of a key in the door was heard. "_Showtime_." Both of them dove to the side and snuggled into each other while feigning sleep. They heard the door open and the girls talking followed by the door closing.

Alexis put her key in the lock and sat her bag down. She unlocked and opened the door before grabbing her bag and entering. Cassie followed her and pulled the key out before closing the door. They both looked over to see the television on in the middle of a movie and a couple of cups on the table. Cassie headed over towards the kitchen and saw the paper open to page six.

Alexis went towards the TV and saw the two snuggled together apparently asleep. She grinned and waved Cassie over. "Aren't they cute?" she whispered. "Looks like someone had a good time last night."

Cassie winked and whispered back, "After those pictures I hope they had a good night."

"Yeah and hopefully after what I told the detective the past will stay in the past."

Neither noticed that Jordan and Rick had sat up with grins on them. But when Rick heard Alexis' comment his smile disappeared. "And what did you tell the detective?"

Alexis froze. "Umm, hi Dad. How was your evening?"

"Alexis Harper Castle...what did you say?"

"Well, Dad, I...I just wanted to let her know that you were no longer available."

"What did you say?" Alexis sighed and recounted her speech at the precinct. Jordan watched Rick carefully for his reaction.

Rick sat for a moment, thinking through the revelations that Alexis had dropped on him. She had heard Kate say she loved him. He closed his eyes and silently cried as he ran through his feelings. The biggest desire of the past few years was right in front of him and all he had to do was go to Kate to get it. He was not crying because Kate had finally admitted her feelings; he felt himself start to giggle due to the absurdity of it all.

Jordan felt tears gathering in her eyes for a different reason. She knew that she had been falling in love with Rick and his reaction, specifically the tears, made her believe that he would soon be on his way out the door. She wiped her eyes and looked at Rick, shaking with silent sobs.

Finally, Rick burst out laughing. "Oh, the irony! The woman admits to loving me when I've moved on! As if she knows how to love someone..."

Jordan moved closer to Rick. "So, you're not going to go back to her?"

Rick looked at her. "Jordan, I can't 'go back' to her. I was never really there in the first place."

She threw herself into Rick's arms. As he held her, he looked at the girls and saw the relief on their faces. "What, you all thought I would run back to the precinct because Beckett said she loved me?"

They all looked at him sheepishly before Cassie spoke up. "Rick, we all knew what she had meant to you. I know I don't want to lose you, but I didn't know how you would react."

Rick stood up and pulled the girl into his arms. "I could never leave you, Munchkin. I'll admit that I am sorry for what could have been, but I'm sure that there is no going back. I couldn't imagine not having you or your mom in my life anymore." He kissed the top of her head. "Jordan and I are going to go out on a few dates and make sure that we are good for each other and for the two of you."

Cass reached up and gave him a hug. "I'm glad. I think that Mom and I are lucky we have you. Oh and why did you call me Munchkin?"

Rick grinned. "Well, I already have a Pumpkin." The collective groan that came from all three females was loud.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: The reviews are helpful and appreciated. I went back and re-read the scene where Alexis confronts Kate and I still fail to see what is causing the vitriol from some reviewers. I even went to read some other fics where she does worse and there were no comments on those. I always thought that Alexis was very protective of her father and now that she is almost eighteen she would become more so. Many concerns on behavior are actually taken care of as the fic progresses, as I believe that sometimes we don't react the way we should until a little later after we have had time to digest what has happened. I think that the folks with concerns should keep reading, but it's your call.**

**As far as the ship goes, I will tell you that Kate will never end up married to Rick. Actually, no one is married at the end of this story. I have it completed and out for Beta so I will post as I get it back. Enjoy!**

CHAPTER 6

The next week passed by quickly for the detectives of the 12th precinct homicide team. Kate was still hurting but she did not call Rick. She was trying to respect what Alexis had said. She was just getting ready for the day when Captain Gates called her into her office. "You wanted to see me, sir?"

"Yes, Beckett. Your new partner will be here in the morning. She is transferring from the 7th and has just made detective."

Kate nodded. "Yes, sir."

"Well, don't let me keep you. Have a good evening, Detective." Kate got up and headed back to her desk before grabbing her things and heading out. She decided that she needed a drink so she found herself headed to the Old Haunt.

She went inside and headed towards their usual booth, only to find it full of people she didn't recognize. She started to say something but realized that the plaque that denoted it as saved for the 12th was gone. Bewildered, she headed to the bar and realized that none of the employees looked familiar. She ordered a drink and looked around. The picture of Rick behind the bar was no longer there. She got the attention of the bartender and ordered another drink. "Hey, I've been away for a few months. Does Rick Castle still own the place?"

"Nah, lady. He sold it about two months ago and my cousin and I bought it. He said something about sad memories and sold it for a song. We grabbed it up and are hoping to renovate it. Are you a friend of his?"

"I used to be. Thanks for the drinks." She laid down a few bills on the bar and made her way home to take a long bath and try to move past another shock.

After her bath, she called her father, "Hi, Dad."

"Hi, Katie. How are you?"

"I don't know...I'm feeling kind of lost."

"What happened?"

"Rick's gone."

"I see. Do you know why?"

She sighed. "Yeah. I told you that he said he loved me, right?"

"Yes, when we first got to the cabin. I asked why he wasn't with you and you said that you didn't want to talk about it, but that he said that he loved you and you weren't sure how you felt."

"Yeah, well about that..." Kate proceeded to tell her father how she treated Rick and sent him away.

"Katie that explains the call I got from him. If you had told me, I would have sent him to you anyway."

"He called?"

"Yes, about two weeks after you went to the cabin. He asked if you were ok and if I thought he should come to you."

"What did you say?"

"I said that you had told me that you didn't want to see anyone. He replied that he hoped that Josh would always take good care of you and then he said goodbye."

"He specifically said goodbye?"

"Yes. Isn't that normally how people end a conversation on the phone?"

"Not Rick Castle. He only says goodbye if he doesn't expect to speak to you again."

Jordan spent the next ten days out of town wrapped up in a case. Normally Cassie went to her grandmother's but this time she stayed with Rick in the guest room. She had called her mom to let her know that she would be away but that she had made arrangements for Cassie. Her mother teased her that she hadn't met this mystery boyfriend yet. Jordan assured her that as soon as it was official she would bring him over.

Her plane landed and the team went back to the office to drop off files and such. Jordan looked at the time and realized it was near midnight so she grabbed her phone and sent a text to Rick. '_Hey you...miss me?_'

Rick responded almost immediately. '_You were gone? I barely noticed ;)_'

'_Goof! You ok if Cassie stays again tonight?_'

'_No problem. Are you coming here?_'

'_I probably should go home. Need to do laundry and I don't have anything to sleep in_'

'_I have a washing machine and I am sure we can find you something to sleep in...If it's really necessary hehe_'

'_Okay...be there in about twenty_'

'_okay_'

Jordan rolled her eyes and got her stuff together. She locked her office and headed towards the garage to get her car.

Rick grinned. The girls were already in bed because it was Thursday and a school night. He grabbed a t-shirt and a pair of boxers that were too small for him and put them in the ensuite. He saved what he was working on and closed the laptop. He went into the bathroom and started the bathwater, adding some bath salts and placing some towels out to be ready.

He went into the main area just as there was a tentative knock at the door. He walked over and verified it was Jordan. When he opened the door he took in her appearance. He ushered her in without a word and put her bag aside. He closed the door and set the alarm before turning to her. She moved to lean against him and he pulled her close. "Tired?"

"Mmmm, not really. It was just a tough case." She took off her suit jacket and laid it on the back of the couch before stepping out of her shoes.

"Well, why don't you head into my bedroom and get ready for a bath?"

She nodded and grabbed his hand as she headed towards his room. "Keep me company after?"

"How could I refuse such an offer?"

She smiled and sat on the bed, kicking off her heels. "How were the girls?"

He laughed. "Exhausting! But we had fun. I would have called you if there were issues, you know?"

"I know. I wasn't worried, and that helped me be able to focus. I trust you."

"I'm glad. Now why don't you take a bath and relax? I can get you something to eat."

"Food can wait." She looked shyly up at him. "Would you mind hugging me? I really just want to be held."

Twenty minutes later they parted as she went into the bathroom and he went to reheat some dinner for her.

Jordan lay awake sheltered in Rick's arms. She snuggled into his chest and smiled. They had crossed a line tonight and she was happy. They had not had sex, but they both had found comfort with holding each other. After her bath and some dinner they got dressed for bed and snuggled in together. Jordan was falling asleep but she loved being in his arms and was trying to stay awake as long as she could.

"Can't sleep?"

Jordan looked up into Rick's eyes and gave him a quick kiss. "Just thinking."

"Everything OK? Anything bothering you?"

"No, Rick. I don't think so, anyway. You?"

"No. I'm in bed with a beautiful woman. Life surely doesn't suck at the moment." He grinned.

She rolled her eyes."Go ahead. I can tell you want to say something."

He pulled her closer. "I've given things quite a great deal of thought. I think I'll be ready to see where we can go soon."

Jordan smiled. "Sounds good…I'm here when you want to talk about it. We won't rush it, though. What got you on this subject?"

Rick smiled. "I thought a lot about where we were and my past while you were gone. I know that I care deeply about you and Cassie. I don't know that what I feel is love yet, but I can definitely feel like it has that potential."

Jordan smiled. "Well, I think I can take that. But I want to be honest with you too. I don't feel the need to date. And I wouldn't mind doing this more often."

"How about we sleep on it and talk more tomorrow."

"Well, I have tomorrow and the weekend off. Maybe we can talk while the girls are at school?"

"Sounds like a plan. Night, J."

"Night Rick." She kissed him and snuggled in against his shoulder, sleep soon claiming her.

Rick held her as he thought about things. He knew that he was starting to develop feelings for her. Was he really over Kate? She had been such a part of his life for years, but he knew now that it would never work between them. He had outwardly said he was past her and now his heart was starting to agree. He leaned over and kissed the top of Jordan's head. He snuggled into her and drifted off to sleep.

"Well, well, well...what do we have here?"

Rick slowly opened one eye and saw the girls at the bedroom door. "Morning." He nudged Jordan awake. "The inquisition has arrived."

Jordan laughed. "Morning, girls."

"Morning. Sleep well?"

Rick snorted. "Alright, girls. We'll be out in a minute." He made a shooing motion and swung his feet to the floor.

"What time is it?"

He looked at the clock. "A little before seven."

She nodded and sat up as well. "Bathroom?"

"Go ahead. I'll start the coffee and see if the children want breakfast." He walked over and gave her a quick kiss before heading to the kitchen. She headed into the bathroom.

Rick headed straight over to start the coffee. He looked over at the smirking girls. "Breakfast?"

They both nodded and Alexis sat down first. "So, Dad...how are you?"

Rick smiled. "I'm good, Pumpkin. Jordan got home late last night and we talked quite a bit."

She nodded. "Good. So by the fact of where she slept last night, am I safe to assume that things are heading in a certain...direction?"

Rick paused in stirring the batter for the pancakes he had decided to make. "Look, girls...I'm finally starting to move past my feelings for Beckett and so Jordan and I are taking it slow...but there's progress, okay? I don't want to rush things as they would not be good for any of us." Both girls nodded.

Jordan walked in on them just as Rick was plating up breakfast. She leaned in and kissed Rick's cheek. "Something smells good." They all sat at the table and chatted while they ate breakfast. When they finished, Jordan cleared the table while the girls grabbed their things for school. After they left, Rick headed to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

Jordan started a load of laundry and went back to get a cup of coffee as she heard the shower start. She sat at the counter reading the paper and grinning at the domesticity of it all. She had just finished wiping down the counter when she heard a knock at the door. She heard the shower running still, so she went over and opened the door. "Beckett?"

Kate woke up and decided that she had to talk to Rick in person to find out exactly what was going on and clear the air. She got up and got ready for the day, spending a little extra time on her hair and makeup. She messaged Ryan that she might be in a little late and made her way to her cruiser. She decided to stop for coffee on the way over and parked near his building. The doorman looked surprised to see her, but let her on up. She got off the elevator and walked to his door nervously. She straightened her shoulders and knocked on the door. Placing a smile on her face, she took a deep breath as the door started to open.

"Beckett?" She tried to school her surprise at Jordan Shaw opening the door. She took one quick glance and saw the barefoot woman wearing yoga pants and a t-shirt standing there with surprise on her face.

Trying to regain her composure, she blew out a breath. "Um, hello, Agent Shaw. Is Castle around?"

"Sure. Come in." Kate followed her into the loft. "He's in the shower."

"If it's a bad time, I can come back."

Jordan shook her head. "It's probably best that you both talk now anyway. Let me grab my purse."

Kate watched as the other woman slipped on a pair of flats and walked into Rick's bedroom. She noticed the washer running and the coffee cup on the counter as Jordan returned. "Maybe this isn't the best idea."

Jordan shook her head. "I told him you were out here. I've got to run an errand but he should only be a minute." Kate noticed her shake her head as she walked out the door.

"Hello, Beckett." She turned to see a very serious Richard Castle in front of her.

'Hi, Rick."

"What can I do for you, Detective?"

"I wanted to drop by and clear the air. I didn't think you'd have company...I'm sorry."

"Well, it's been awhile since we last spoke."

She sighed. "I know...and I'm sorry. I needed to clear my head and..." She looked up to see him raise a hand up in a halting motion.

"Please, Beckett, no need for excuses. You made yourself very clear by your actions."

"But, Rick, I realized I was wrong."

"Maybe, but actions speak louder than words. You never let me in and eventually I realized that you never would. Maybe someday we can be friends again, but for now, I think that it's better that we maintain some distance from each other, at least for a little while."

"But, Rick, I realized that I lo..."

"NO!" Rick interrupted. "Please don't say that to me. You made it clear to me that you did NOT return my feelings when you lied about hearing me when you were shot. I know you were in just starting to come back from being shot but to lie to me about something so important? You and I…we both have some growing to do and we both have flaunted others to each other. As much as I wanted to be with you, I've realized that we aren't right for each other. So as to anything further romantically for us? We're done, Kate. Someday I hope we can be friends again, but that will be all I can handle. We'll talk in a few months when things aren't so raw. Since I've left the precinct, I would appreciate it if you leave your key." He headed to the door and opened it.

Kate barely held it in as she made her way to the door. "I'm sorry, Rick."

He sighed. "Me too. But this is the way it has to be. I hope you do find someone."

She nodded, handed him her key and walked out as he closed the door behind her. She made it all the way to her car before the sobs escaped.

Rick went into his bedroom and lay back on the bed. He felt drained but strangely relieved. He really did hope that Kate would find someone. He knew that beneath the tough exterior was a woman worth being loved; just not for him. He meditated for a bit and let the feelings go. Kate was now in his past and Jordan was his future.

He got up and went into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water when his phone beeped. He looked at the text from Jordan.

_Jordan: Hey_

_Rick: Hey pretty lady_

_Jordan: Can I come back or do you need me to stay away for a bit_

_Rick: Come home, J. I need a hug_

_Jordan: K OMW_

He put the phone down and opened his water. After taking a long drink he grabbed his phone and headed for the couch. A few minutes later he heard a knock and went to answer the door, almost to slam it closed again.

"Hello, Kitten."

"Meredith? What do you want?"

"Oh, Ricky, I came as soon as I heard! That mean old detective!"

"Meredith! Stop whatever line of bull you are concocting! Why are you here?"

"Poor Ricky; angry at the world! I've come to make you feel better! We can try for another top ten!"

Another female voice was heard. "Top ten what?"

Rick rolled his eyes. "Jordan, meet Meredith, Alexis' mother."

Jordan raised an eyebrow. "Ah, yes...Meredith." She looked to Rick. "And she's here for?"

"Exactly what I was trying to find out." They both looked at Meredith.

Meredith looked confused. "Ricky, who is Jordan and why is she here?"

The elevator doors opened and two girls walked off.

Cassie smiled. "Mom!"

Alexis looked surprised. "Mom?"

Rick just looked at everyone in shock and burst out laughing.

Forty-five minutes later Meredith was headed for a hotel, the girls were in Alexis' room and Rick was waiting for Thai to arrive. Jordan leaned against the counter and kept giggling.

"It's not funny, J."

"Oh, come on Rick! Sure it is; you had your ex trying to get in your pants, the woman you thought you wanted was here to try to get you back and I'm the one that's still here."

He sat back on the stool and looked at her. First, one end of his lip curled. Then, he broke out into a boyish grin before he started snickering. "Okay, I can see it."

She winked at him and pushed away from the counter as the doorbell sounded. "Go get our food and I will grab the plates."

He smiled and walked to the door, shaking his head at the odd day it had been. He never wanted to hurt Kate but he had needed to protect his hoped that it would all turn out well.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Just a few chapters left to go. Thanks for reading. Enjoy!**

CHAPTER 7

Lanie answered the door and looked at the face of her best friend. Kate's mascara had run and her eyes were puffy.

Kate looked at Lanie. "I've lost him, Lanie! I went to go talk to him and SHE was there. He wouldn't even listen to me! I was there to admit my feelings and he just blew me off like I was one of his bimbos."

Lanie sighed. She knew that she was not getting the whole story. "Come in, Kate. Go to the bathroom and wash your face; I'll make some coffee and we can talk."

"No coffee for me, Lanie. It only reminds me of him."

"Fine. I'll be on the couch when you get done." Kate nodded and went into the bathroom, closing the door. Lanie grabbed her phone and called Rick.

"Look, DR. Parish, I…"

"Hush, Castle! I'm not calling to yell at you. Tell me what happened from the time she came in until she left, and hurry. She's here and I want to know your side of the story." She listened to him tell it and could hear the truth in it. "Okay, thanks, Castle. And for what it's worth, I am not mad at you. We'll talk soon, okay?" She hung up the phone and sat back just as the bathroom door opened.

Kate sat down and sighed. "He barely could even look at me, Lanie. He told me that someday we could be friends and when I started to tell him I loved him he yelled at me…he said I had no right to say it." Kate sat back and the tears leaked down her face. "He made me give him my key back and then told me to leave."

Lanie listened and compared what she had heard from Rick. "Oh, honey, I'm sorry but you have to admit that the way you treated him over the years and after your shooting, he reached the logical conclusion; we know that he wasn't right but you didn't give him all the information he needed."

"I know, but I love him and now I've lost him."

"Kate, I know you don't want to hear this but I'm your friend and you need to hear it. You did not lose him; you pushed him away. You basically handed him to another woman because you were too afraid to commit."

Kate's eyes widened and then narrowed. "I thought you were on my side!"

"Oh, honey, I am! But unless you realize what you have done and take responsibility for it, you are never going to have someone to love that will love you back. Rick Castle would have done anything for you and he loved you like no other. You two should be together now but that can't happen as long as you keep trying to push blame off onto everyone else."

Kate sat back and thought about what Lanie was saying. She had to admit that she always looked to push the blame off whenever anything bad happened in her life. She had focused so hard on finding her mother's killer that no one else had been able to get behind the walls she had built up; well, no one until Rick Castle. And she had lied to him and he hadn't picked up on it.

She started to sob as she realized that if only she had admitted to hearing that she had heard him say that he loved her and that she was ready to love him they would not be in this mess. Her heart was breaking as she realized that she was to blame for not only ruining her life but Rick's and Alexis' lives as well. She had to change to make sure that she was not going to be able to use anyone else as a verbal sparring partner. She needed to become the Katherine Beckett that her mother would have wanted her to be.

She looked up at Lanie and smiled through her tears. "Thanks for kicking my butt, Lanie. I need to go home and do some serious thinking on how I am going to be able to salvage at least my friendship with Rick. I hope I can at least keep that from going away. I've been a bitch to him and to all of you. " She got up and hugged her best friend and grabbed her purse as she walked out the door and closed it behind her.

Lanie sighed and hoped that she had really gotten through to her this time.

Rick sat at the counter nursing his hot chocolate. He had gotten up after his bad dream and needed a few minutes to work out his thoughts, so some hot chocolate (with mini marshmallows of course) was called for.

His earlier encounter with Kate weighed heavily on his mind. He knew that he still cared for her but they could never be more than friends. That thought alone caused him to be heartsick. He took a sip of his drink and looked towards the study door, thinking about the woman in his bed.

When he first met Jordan he was intrigued. She was a powerful woman with lots of cool toys. He had enjoyed watching her as she worked through the case. If he had not been so into Kate at the time he would have been drawn to the beautiful agent.

But the case had ended and Jordan had vanished, only to reappear a few months later looking for help from him. He knew that being around her could jeopardize all he had worked towards with Kate, but he could not help trying to make things better for her with her situation; after all, he had been through two painful divorces and he knew what it was like to have no one to support you. He decided to be the best friend to her that he could, so he introduced her to Steve and stood by her and Cassie through all the legal stuff. What was amazing to him was that it was so easy to be Jordan's friend while he was still unsure what he was to Kate even after more than three years of working with her.

He and Jordan had loved it when their daughters hit it off. Cassie and Alexis were quite a bit alike and the two of them became as thick as thieves in no time at all. Rick couldn't imagine his life without the Shaw women in it; it was a way he had felt for Kate at one time. But his forced three month lack of being near here after her shooting had shown him that she found it easy to be away from him and that proved to him that she could not feel the same for him as he did for her.

He had fantasized about how he and Kate would be together but that was all there was to it. Some fantasies based on a few comments and the one time they kissed. No one could deny that there was a physical attraction between Kate and himself, but that was not what someone should base a commitment on. He looked around his loft and thought deeply on the situation and how he felt about it. He hoped that he could somehow keep Kate as a friend but all hopes of Caskett babies were gone.

With a sigh he took his empty cup to the sink and rinsed it out before setting it in the drainer to dry. He wiped off the evidence of his late night wanderings and made his way back to bed and back to the woman that he grew closer to each day.

"Come to any conclusions?"

He jumped and grabbed his chest. "Trying to give me a heart attack?"

She snickered. "No. Just trying to understand you, Rick. I'm coming to care about you a lot and I am trying to figure you out."

He crawled into bed and leaned over to give her a quick kiss. "I've just been working through the last vestiges of saying goodbye to Kate as anything more than a friend. I've realized that while I kept saying I had moved on my heart wasn't sure…well, until a few minutes ago. I think that soon I will be ready for more than I have been so far. You know I care deeply about you and Cassie; I'm hoping it will grow into more than that."

Jordan wiped her eyes and snuggled into his embrace. "Well, I'm here when you are ready, Rick. I know when we first met I was attracted to you on some level but I was married and you were obviously into Kate. I even told her so but she was a bit flippant in her response. I think that many people wanted you two to end up together and they invented more in the interaction between you two than was really there."

He chuckled. "Yeah, including me."

She smacked him lightly. "Stop it, Rick. Your mother's favorite saying of 'the heart wants what the heart wants' applies. And now you understand that the heart needs to be guided by the mind. The two have to work together or you could get something that you know won't last. I'm sorry that Kate and you didn't work out for your sake, but after getting to know you better and her through you, I'm afraid that you would have had a glorious three months together and ended up as enemies."

Rick pulled her close. "Yeah, I can see that as well." He kissed the top of her head and relaxed as she rubbed his back as he drifted off to sleep.

She listened as his breathing became deep and even before kissing his chin. "I love you, Rick," she whispered. "I don't know when it happened but I will do my best to make sure that you never feel unloved again."

Rick sat back and sipped from his water bottle. "I'm better about Kate and how I feel, but I'm still confused on Jordan."

The older man nodded as he made notes. "And what confuses you, Rick?"

Rick had come to enjoy these sessions with Dr. Lowell. "Well, when I first met her, she was all business and was very strict. But as I got to know her personally, I realized that there is a very vulnerable woman behind that shell. She's got a wit that matches mine and her heart…man, her heart is huge. It's no secret that while I know my mother loves me, she's not very demonstrative. And I doubt that either of my ex-wives really loved me…I mean sure they cared, but I don't think they loved ME. Alexis is my first true love and I loved Kate but she never really accepted that and tried to love me back; or at least she never gave me any indication of it.

He took another sip. "But Jordan? She didn't even have to say it. She has shown me by being there for me when I was hurting. She sat quietly while I whined about Kate and she never told me that I should get over her. She just held my hand and listened. Then last week I was just drifting of to sleep when she said it. She was not saying it so that I would say it back; in fact, I think she didn't want to say it while I was awake. She wouldn't want to pressure me before I was ready to say it back."

David Lovell had been a therapist for more than twenty-five years. He had been seeing Rick Castle as a patient for a couple of years on and off, but three months ago he had become a regular patient due to some stresses that had surfaced after the shooting of his partner. As they had progressed it had become evident that Rick was a victim of emotional abuse. He had subverted his emotional well-being and tied it to his partner. She had been a victim of losing her mother to a tragic death and a father who had become an alcoholic when she was nineteen years old. This caused her emotional trauma and her coping skills included pushing people away, especially those who loved her. This was done to keep them from abandoning her, even if they had no intent to do so.

She had confided to one of Dr. Lovell's partners, Dr. Burke, that she knew that Rick loved her. Now, Dr. Lovell could not disclose that to his patient but he could use it to help diagnose and treat Rick's issues. Helping Rick to recognize the situation and to start working on his own to move past that was in his best interest. The latest admission that he was cautious about moving forward was in actuality a very good sign; he was not transferring his feelings from one to the other.

"And how did you feel, hearing it said to you?"

Rick smiled. "It was warm and comforting."

"Good. Well, it looks like we are almost out of time for today. Do you mind if I give you a little homework?" Rick shook his head. "I would like you to think about what is happening with you and Jordan and then think about what is holding you back from returning her feelings. Remember you don't have to return her feelings yet, if at all. I want you to seriously sit down and think about it, though, and we'll talk about it next time."

"Thanks. It really helps to have someone to talk to about it."

"I'm glad I can help. See you next week."

Kate Beckett pulled her car into a parking space and got out, followed by her new partner, Detective Megan Hunter. She was a few years older than Kate with a heart shaped face and auburn hair. She had been a uniform for almost thirteen years before she had decided to become a detective.

Kate looked at her. "Grab your vest. You're fourth on post. Espo is third and Ryan is second." She moved to the trunk and popped it open, grabbing her vest without looking.

"Umm, Beckett, there's an extra in here."

Kate looked over and saw the vest in there and immediately knew who's it was. "Sorry, it was my former partner's and I guess he forgot it." She picked it up and traced the word 'WRITER' on it before putting it back down. "Grab yours and let's go."

They met up with the others. "Espo, do you have the warrant?" He nodded. "Okay, usual order. Hunter goes last. "

She pulled her weapon and headed toward the door. The suspect, William Jackson, had priors for assault and she was taking no chances. The four made their way to the second floor and approached the apartment door. Kate looked at her team once more to make sure they were stacked correctly. "William Jackson…NYPD. Open the door!" They heard scrambling inside and Kate nodded to Espo, who kicked the door in. The man inside was headed out the window to the fire escape. Megan bolted back down the steps as the first three headed into the room. Kate climbed out the window just as she heard shots fired.

Megan came around the corner and watched the suspect jump from the fire escape. He turned towards her and brought up a gun. She didn't even have time to shout before he fired and she returned fire, hitting him in the shoulder and knocking him down. She ran up to him just as Kate came down the escape and cuffed him.

After a patrol car had taken him away, Kate gathered her team together while CSU did their job. "Hunter, you did good in capturing the suspect but you failed to let anyone know that you had left the stack. In the future make sure that the one in front of you knows where you go. That was good situational awareness, but a rookie mistake." Megan nodded.

Ryan snickered. "Yeah that was something Castle would have done." At Espo's jab to the ribs, Ryan looked wide-eyed at Kate."

"Look guys…it's okay to mention Rick. He was a part of our team for more than three years. Then she snickered herself. "And you're right, Kev. It is something Rick would have pulled. And he wouldn't have had a gun."

Espo smirked. "Maybe he would have thrown a shoe."

Kate laughed. "I had forgotten that!" She looked at her team. "Well, we can reminisce later. Let's take a look and see if CSU has found anything." They nodded and broke away as Kate smiled softly once again at the thought of the first case they had worked together.


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Reminder, I do not own anything you recognize. Things are starting to come around and I hope you continue reading till the end. Enjoy!

CHAPTER 8.

Jordan picked up her ringing desk phone. "Agent Shaw." She listened to the caller and a range of emotions ran across her face. "Are you sure, sir? All right then."

She stepped to her office door. "Avery, can you come in please?"

Jason Avery came into her office and took the indicated chair. Jordan closed her office door and took her seat and looked at the other agent. "Jason, I'm sure you are aware that I am involved with Rick Castle." He nodded. "We've just gotten a call from the NYPD about a potential serial and I am concerned that my working the case may be counter-productive as the Detective in charge is Kate Beckett."

Jason had heard some of the scuttlebutt about Jordan, Rick and Kate. He knew that it was an awkward situation, but they had called Jordan. "Jordan, we're all adults. Let's go see what the lay of the land is and if it is hostile, I'll take lead, okay?"

Jordan nodded. "Well, saddle them up, then. I have to call Rick to warn him. I'll meet you in the garage in fifteen." He nodded and headed out to get the team organized.

Jordan dialed Rick's number. "Hi, J! Did you miss me that much?"

She grinned. "Not exactly, Rick. Look, I just got a case and may not be off on time. Can you keep an eye on Cassie for me?"

"Sure. Will you be out of town long?"

"Umm…no. It's a local case."

"Really? Well, let me know if there's anything else I can do. Cass has her key to your place, right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I'll take her over and have her grab some clothes just in case. Be careful for me, will you?"

Jordan smiled. "I'll even check my SUV before I get in."

Rick chuckled. "Okay, smart aleck. Call me later."

"I will. Rick?"

"Yeah, J?"

"Keep your fingers crossed for me, alright?"

"I will. J, seriously. Be careful."

"I will. Bye for now"

"Until later, J."

She hung up the phone and grabbed her purse. She checked for her badge and gun and made her way to meet up with Avery.

Victoria Gates was not as clueless as her people would like to believe. She had known that there had been more than professional camaraderie between her Lead Homicide Detective ane the writer that shadowed her. She also knew that getting shot (especially in the manner that had happened) was a life-changing experience.

Since she had come back to work, Kate Beckett had not been up to par from what she had read in her personnel file. She had been distracted and moody until a couple of days prior; then she had shown the skills that had made her a lead detective. It was as if a cloud had cleared.

Gates knew that the Homicide team's writer mascot had been an asset and while she did not look favorably on most civilian consultants, she would have made an exception for Mr. Castle. While the 12th had a great closure rate over the years, they had gone to over 95% closures since he joined them. She was actually sad when he said that he wanted to leave but she had no reason to keep him, especially with his 'partner' out on medical leave.

With these latest couple of cases though, it looked like even the freshly returned Detective Beckett may be in need of assistance. The similarities between the cases were striking and looked to be a serial killer. She had looked back on any FBI involvement and came across the name of Special Agent Jordan Shaw, so she called the local Director and asked for her teams assistance. After she had explained the cases to him he agreed and said he would send their team in to help. They were expected shortly and she needed to notify her people.

She looked out and saw the team reviewing the murder board. She opened her door and caught their attention and waved them in before heading back to her seat. "Come in, you three, and close the door." She watched them look at each other and smirked. "For God's sake, people, I'm not going to bite you. Now, have you had anything further?"

Kate looked at the others. "Not yet, Sir. We are waiting on CSU's report on the latest case to confirm a couple of items."

Gates nodded. "You three are doing good work, but with the last two cases being so similar I thought we could do with extra help."

Kate grimaced slightly. "Extra help?"

Gates nodded and started to speak when a knock was heard. "Enter."

The door opened and the last person Kate wanted to see come entered the room. "Captain Gates, I'm Special Agent Shaw and this is Special Agent Avery. You sent for us?"

Rick grinned as he listened to Cassie and Alexis comparing notes on musical groups. They were a lot alike but they definitely had slightly different tastes when it came to music. Alexis was more a _Taylor Swift_ and _The Saturdays_ kind of girl while Cassie liked more Country like _Lady Antebellum_ and _Sugarland_. Hopefully they would rub off on each other and widen both their musical horizons.

His phone chirped indicating a new text and he read one from Ryan. _'Looks like your friend Jordan will be working with us on some possible serial cases._'

He quickly typed out a reply. _'Ouch...is KB furious_?"

_'More so that Gates called in the cavalry than the fact of who it is._'

Rick cringed. _'Let me know if I need to come there, K?_'

'_Will do. Wish you were here, bro, you'd love these anyway._'

Rick grinned. _'Well, keep me posted. My feelings for KB are diff but I don't want her hurt. Still hoping to be friends w her someday._'

'_Cya_'

Rick laid his phone down and shook his head. No wonder Jordan sounded nervous. He hoped that there would be no blood shed or bruised feelings but he couldn't be sure.

After they left Gates' office they gathered around the murder board and started to review what they already knew. After they had done a quick review, Jordan asked Kate for a quick private chat in the conference room. They both entered and closed the door. After a few minutes of silence Jordan shrugged. "Look, Detective Beckett, this doesn't have to be awkward. I can let Avery run point on this and I can head back to the office."

Kate sighed. "Look, Shaw...yeah it feels awkward but I have decided to try to learn from this and if we need to work together to catch this guy then we'll work together. I screwed up with Rick and you were there for him. I get it. I really care for him but I don't know how to show it. I've not been good about communicating and I hurt him, so it's on me. Let's just work past this and we'll be fine."

Jordan sat back while she listened and nodded. "The important thing is catching this guy. I know that Rick is a sore subject so I won't bring him up except to say this. Please don't hurt him anymore. He was devastated when you pushed him away and is still hurt. You know he will always care about you but he will never let himself be with you as he does not trust you anymore. I'm glad that you are coming to terms with it and after this conversation we're done about it. Okay?"

"Okay."

Jordan nodded. "Let's go find your killer." They left the room and started going back over the evidence.

Rick sat at his desk trying to write. He hated that his favorite character had become so hard to write. It was worse than Derrick Storm by far. He had completed his commitment to Black Pawn but he had no idea where to go from here. He had left Nikki gone away and Jolene had been Rook's savior but he knew he could never write Rook without Nikki. Maybe he could start a new character not based on anyone so that he would not be so emotionally invested...no that emotional attachment was what made his writing so popular.

He put aside his laptop and stood up to go get a bottle of water when his phone rang. He looked at the ID and pulled the phone to his ear. "Castle."

"Rick, it's Jim Beckett. Do you mind if I drop by?"

Rick grimaced. "Sure, Jim. When?"

"Would lunchtime be okay? I'll bring food."

Rick looked at the clock...10:30. "Sure. I'll see you then." They said their goodbyes and hung up. Rick decided to grab a shower and change clothes since he was only in sweats.

Right at noon there was a knock on the door. Rick answered it and let Jim inside. He led him to the table where he had already set up place settings and a pitcher of tea. Jim pulled out cartons of Chinese and they wordlessly sat down.

Rick looked at the older man. "I'm sorry this is so awkward, Jim. I never expected to hear from you again."

Jim sipped his tea and sat the glass down. "I can imagine. I'll be honest...I was mad at you. But when I asked Katie what had happened, I realized that she was mostly at fault." Rick raised an eyebrow and Jim chuckled. "Look, Rick, you're a father. You know you can never admit that your daughter was completely at fault at anything."

Rick grinned and nodded. "I can see that. So what brings you here today?"

Jim looked down and shrugged. "I wanted to talk and see where you were with this whole mess."

"Ah...well, Jim, I will be honest with you. I'm still hurt over Kate sending me away. I know that I usually ignored her and pushed, but with her health I didn't feel right doing that. Besides, she had Josh and I knew that she was in good hands and she had you also. I had stupidly admitted to her while she was bleeding out that I loved her and she said she couldn't remember. I knew she was lying at the time and it crushed me...it was so like Kate to ignore anything that made her uncomfortable."

Jim nodded in agreement. "Katie runs. She did it when she was younger and she still does it. I love her but I know she doesn't think her actions out sometimes. She asked me to take her to the cabin and I did. I tried to get her to call you but she had it in her mind she wasn't worthy of you."

Rick shook his head. "If she had just told me the truth...well, again, Jim, to be honest...I can't put myself or my daughter through that again. I will always care about Kate but I cannot allow myself to let her back in and have a chance to crush my heart again. I'm sorry."

Jim sat back and looked at Rick. He had warned Kate that she was most likely blowing her last chance with Rick. She had been adamant that she knew best so he had let her go. She was as stubborn as her mother had been. "Thanks for being honest with me. I wish it were otherwise but I can understand your reasoning. I hope that the two of you can find a way to be friends again; she misses that more than anything."

Rick looked at him. "I miss that too, but until we can move past any romantic feelings there is no way we can go back to being friends."

Jim nodded and stood. "I guess I best be on my way. Thanks for the chat...and good luck, Rick." He held his hand out and they shook hands. Rick showed him to the door and closed it after he left. He leaned against the door. He had always liked Jim and hoped that one day they would be related, but that ship had sailed. He sighed and then made his way over to clean up the dishes from lunch before taking a nap to hopefully clear his mind.

Kate had to admit that the Jordan Shaw she was watching now was nothing like the Agent Shaw she had worked with previously. When they had the Dunn case, she had seemed rather withdrawn and she had mentioned a daughter...that must have been Cassie. She had sounded like her daughter was younger, though.

Jordan Shaw looked at Kate and wondered what she was thinking. "What's on your mind, Detective?"

Kate jumped. "Well, I was just thinking about you. You seem different than you did when we first met."

"Ah...well, I am different. I thought I had it all figured out back then. Marriage, kid, mortgage; but I was gone so much I guess I missed the signs. My daughter was growing up without me, my husband was off with another woman when I was out of town...and I was clueless. A few months after that case my husband left Cassie and me. If it hadn't been for Rick I don't know what I would have done. He helped me find a good lawyer and he gave me a shoulder to cry on. He and Alexis befriended Cassie and that helped a lot. She and Alexis are only a grade apart but they are two years different in age. They bonded and are like sisters."

"Why didn't I know any of this? I spent a lot of time around Rick."

"I don't know. All I know is that after your shooting and waking up in the hospital he became withdrawn and then he changed the entire ending of his book. He went to see a therapist and a couple of weeks ago he started acting like himself again. It was my turn to be the shoulder and I've gotten to know him very well. He doesn't hate you, Kate. He'll have to tell you more than that, though."

Kate wiped a tear from her cheek. "Thanks for sharing what you have. Look, I think I'm done for the night. I'm going to head home and relax before bed. We probably won't get an update until the morning."

Jordan nodded and watched the detective get her purse and head to the elevator. She turned around and sent Avery home as well before making her own way out of the precinct. She wanted to run by Rick's and see Cassie anyway.

The first three murders had been very similar and to an untrained eye they would look like a serial killer. To the trained eye they were definitely staged to look like one but there were enough differences to cause speculation on Jordan's part. She thought about it during her drive to see her daughter and kept feeling that they were all missing something relevant.

She parked her SUV and headed up to the loft. She knocked and Rick answered the door, smiling. "Hi, J."

She smiled and walked into his embrace. "Mmm...I needed this."

"Tough day?"

"You could say that. Where are the girls?"

He rolled his eyes. "The last I heard they were going to paint their nails and listen to music."

She chuckled. "Have you eaten?"

"No but dinner is almost ready. Come on." He closed the door and led her to the table. He pulled out a bottle of wine and poured her half a glass before heading back into the kitchen to finish dinner.

She heard some noise on the stairs and turned around to see the girls coming down engrossed in a discussion about some band. "Are you two arguing?"

Cassie looked up. "Mom!" She came over and gave her mom a hug followed by Alexis.

Jordan smiled. "Now that's a welcome! I hear that dinner is almost ready; why don't you two set the table and I will go in and assist the chef." They all laughed and headed off to get things ready.

Later in the evening, Rick and Jordan sat cuddled on the couch. Jordan looked at him and smiled softly. "So the case I was called on...it was at the 12th precinct."

Rick glanced at her. "I imagine that was interesting."

"You would be right. I pulled Beckett into a conference room and made sure she was okay with me working the case; if she hadn't been, Avery would have taken point."

"By your calmness I believe she was alright with it?"

Jordan nodded. "I think you may have gotten through to her. While she is not happy, she was able to let it go in order to work together.

Later we had a chat where I explained to her how you had helped me during the divorce...she was shocked that she had no clue about that."

He shrugged. "It was personal to you. If she and I had been anything more than work partners and casual friends, I may have told her a bit of it. You needed a friend at the time. And it wasn't something that would have been brought up in conversation between Kate and I. Besides, she was involved with another detective at the time and we were drifting apart. Remember when I left for the Hamptons to finish up my book?"

"Yeah, I remember." She leaned into him. "That explains why you didn't talk much about her during the couple of weeks Cassie and I visited you guys. I just remember that Gina glaring at you for the first day we were there before she left."

Rick grinned. "Good times."

She snorted. "You're evil, Richard."

He laughed. "Well, I try. Now what else is on your mind?"

She leaned forward and took another sip of wine. "Well, it's the case...something doesn't feel right."

He leaned back. "Well, give me the details..."


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Here is the penultimate chapter. The last chapter will be posted sometime within the next 48 hours. Enjoy!**

CHAPTER 9

"Sounds good. Thanks, Paula."

Jordan looked up at him. "That sounded interesting."

Rick grinned. "It is. I'm going to be on the Today show this Friday."

She raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

He nodded. "Matt is going to sit down with me just after 8 am. We've done these before and they always help sales."

She shrugged. "I have no idea how that part of your writing works but I'll be watching."

He grinned. "I hope so."

Two days later Jordan had called him to wish him good luck as she drove to the twelfth. His ideas about the suspect had led them to a suspect that they were going to go after once a warrant had been issued. She got there to find Beckett and her team in the break room.

"Hey, what's going on?"

Ryan looked over and grinned. "Castle is up next." She moved over behind them to watch the TV.

The commercial ended and Matt Lauer sat with Rick. "Welcome back, everyone. I am sitting here with Rick Castle, New York Times Best-selling author and the creator of such memorable characters as Derrick Storm and Nikki Heat. Good morning, Rick."

Rick smiled. "Good morning! It's nice to be back."

"It's nice to see you again. We've sat down a few times before and I have to say my wife and I really enjoy your books."

"That's kind of you to say."

"So, your newest, Heat under Fire, has been out now for a couple of months. The critics love it. How does that feel as an author?"

Rick smiled softly. "It's always nice to have people appreciate your work. But it means more to me that the people I've followed are seeing a positive out of it. I spoke to the Commissioner and he said that the number of people applying to the NYPD has more than doubled since the first Nikki Heat book came out more than two years ago. The critics are important, don't get me wrong; but to be able to help out the folks that put their lives on the line each day...that's really rewarding."

Matt smiled. "Well, said. We New Yorkers definitely appreciate our first responders. Now, I don't want to give away the ending to folks who haven't had a chance to read it yet, but the ending of the book surprised me."

Rick nodded. "When you first create a character, you have to find that character's voice, how they will react and how they feel about the situations you put them into. After you have that, you have to let them grow, make mistakes and find their way. It's a lot like raising a child. Sometimes the characters take a life of their own and instinctively I know how they will react before I think about it. Some of my best writing is letting the characters have their own reactions instead of forcing it. Then the fun is figuring how to make the end go where you want it to.

"Nikki and Rook are both strong willed characters and that is not always as easy to write as most people think. They both have emotional baggage just as many of us do; they also are both stubborn and prideful but they do care about each other. I once told someone that you have to give the readers what they want, and to a point that is true. But there are times when a plot moves in a way that you did not expect and it may seem to be out of character or maybe not what a reader has expected from a character. That does not mean that the author does not care about the readers, it just means that the characters take on a life of their own and the author can explore something that may be a little out of their comfort zone."

Matt nodded. "I know some people are worried since you killed of Derrick Storm that Nikki Heat may be next."

"Well, Nikki and Rook are not cold on a slab at the end of the book. And remember that they were friends before they became more than that. I think that there is still more to explore with these two in that context, so we'll see."

"I know that you used Detective Kate Beckett as a model for Nikki. Rumor has it that you've had a falling out with her. How does this affect Nikki?"

Rick glared slightly but schooled his features into a grin. "Kate Beckett is one of the finest law enforcement personnel I have ever had the pleasure to meet. She and her team were gracious enough to allow me to be part of their team for quite a long time. She was recently injured and had to take some time away to recuperate. Thankfully she will make a full recovery. I took the time while she was out to finish the book and now I am concentrating on my daughter who is almost finished with high school. I found it very rewarding to work with her and Detectives Ryan and Esposito, but I feel that it was time to get out of their hair and focus on other things."

Matt nodded. "Well thanks for taking the time to come in and talk to us. Next up, we'll find out just how the weekend weather will be. "

Rick smiled and nodded as the channel went to commercial.

Kate sat there and listened to the interview with tears in her eyes. She listened as he could have vilified her and he didn't He made it seem like he was leaving them for Alexis. She wiped her eyes and smiled gently at everyone before making her way to the ladies room.

Ryan had watched her as the interview unfolded. Castle was very good at responding to interviews and he left it open about more Nikki Heat books. He watched as Beckett left the room before turning to Javi. "Castle handled that pretty well."

Javi nodded. "Yeah and if you know him you could tell that he was not happy with the last question."

Jordan reminded them she was in the room. "He doesn't hate Beckett, guys. He hopes that one day maybe they can be friends again."

The others nodded as they made their way back to see where the warrant was.

"Nice one, Matt. Way to hit me at the end."

"Oh, come on, Rick. People read the Ledger and they know something is up."

"There never was any romantic stuff with Beckett even though everyone speculated on it. We're friends. Hell, she's dated a few guys while I was shadowing her."

"I know, but people were rooting for you two."

Rick nodded. "I understand. But next time, warn a guy, ok?"

Matt laughed. "I guess I can do that."

Alexis sat down with her dad at the coffee shop. It was the first time in several days that they had been able to be alone as father and daughter. "Thanks for the coffee, Dad. What did you want to talk about?"

Rick sipped his coffee and looked at her. "I want to know how you are doing with everything."

She shrugged. "I'm okay."

"Hmmm. You know, I remember this time when you were eight and your mother showed up at the loft. She said some means things to me and you got mad and called her a poopyhead."

Alexis blushed. "Dad, I was eight...and she was being a poopyhead!"

Rick grinned. "Okay...she was being a poopyhead. But what did we discuss about you calling her that."

"That I should not be mean to people, especially adults when I didn't understand everything."

He smiled and put his hand on hers. "And you did so well with that...until lately."

Alexis looked at her dad. "But Dad, I'm almost eighteen and I know about what happened between you and her."

Rick patted her hand. "You know my side of the story, Pumpkin. But you weren't with me when it happened and you don't know the context. All you know is that I was hurt and you wanted to hurt whoever hurt me...am I right?"

She sat there for a minute or so thinking. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I liked Kate and couldn't believe she would hurt you, but I wanted to let her know I was mad."

Rick took another sip of his coffee. "Do you remember what your punishment was?"

Alexis winced. "I had to apologize to Mom."

Rick nodded. "Now, as you said, you are almost eighteen. I am sure you know what the right thing to do is."

She sighed. "Yeah, I know. Are you letting her off the hook?"

"Pumpkin, Kate and I will never be together romantically. I am hopeful that one day we can be friends again. I can't say when that will happen, if it even can. We're both hurting right now,"

"So what does that mean for you and Jordan?"

"It means that Jordan is my best friend. It's only been a few months since I officially gave up on Kate and while I like Jordan very much and can see a possibility of more, that won't happen right away. Sure, we flirt and we have fun, but I'm not ready for serious just yet."

She sighed. "Cassie and I were hoping..."

He reached over and ruffled her hair, "You two just put the brakes on. We'll see what happens. But for now, I think you have something else to think about."

She nodded and their talk turned towards her classes and friends.

Later that day the folks at the twelfth were able to wrap their case up. Castle's hunch had been right on the money and their suspect had confessed when Jordan and Kate tag-teamed him in Interrogation. They got their confession and were clearing the murder board as Jordan and Avery were helping the other agents in packing up. Avery had just taken a laptop down to their SUV when there was a knock on the door. Jordan looked up to see Kate standing at the door. "Hey. We were just finishing up; we'll be out of your hair in a few minutes."

Kate leaned against the door. "There's no rush. Thanks for your help on this one."

"That's what we're here for. Thankfully we had another angle pop up and we got the guy."

"Yeah. Hey, would you thank Castle for me?" She softly smiled. "I do miss working on theory with him."

"Sure."

"Shaw? Thanks again for helping me see his side of things."

"You're welcome, Beckett. Like I said, he doesn't hate you...he's hurting like you are. You guys were closer than most partners ever get. I hope that you two eventually can talk again."

Kate looked at the hem of her shirt. "Me too. Well, thanks." She walked back and picked up her purse and made her way towards the elevator.

Jordan let out a sigh of relief and gathered her things. She stopped by Captain Gates' office on her way out and said her goodbyes. She went down and got in the SUV to head back to the FBI office to do her paperwork so she could head home for dinner.

Kate came in the next morning to find the chair next to her desk occupied. "Ummm, hi Alexis."

Alexis looked up. "Hi, Detective Beckett. I wanted to stop by to apologize to you for my behavior in the past few weeks. Dad reminded me that I was out of line and I'm sorry."

"Alexis, it's okay. I haven't been very nice lately myself."

"Well, it's not my right to pass judgment. I'm sorry for being a poopyhead."

Kate snorted. "Alexis Castle!"

Alexis grinned a bit. "It's a long story and Dad tells it way better than I do. But I am serious. I'm sorry and I should not have spoken to you the way I did."

Kate looked at her sadly. "You're forgiven." She looked up at the clock. "Do you need a ride to school?"

Alexis shook her head. "No, I have it covered. I guess I better go." She grabbed her book bag. "I hope you and my dad can repair your friendship. Nikki should come back to Rook, even if it's just as friends. See you later, Kate."

Kate stood there and watched the girl get on the elevator.

"She's a mature girl in spite of her father." Kate jumped and looked over to see Captain Gates. "She was sitting there for almost twenty minutes waiting to talk to you, Beckett."

Kate shook her head and wiped a tear from her cheek. "She is a mature girl because of her father. He doesn't show it around most people, but he is a very good man and a great father." She looked at Gates who nodded before turning to go back into her office.

Kate sat down and thought about what Alexis had said. She logged in to her PC and started looking at the latest case file but had trouble concentrating as she had more on her mind than work. 


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: The final chapter. Yes, Kate and Rick are not lovers, but they will become best friends again. So while Rick and Jordan are together, Rick and Kate will not be apart. This has been a journey of discovery for me, and I hope for you as well. Enjoy!**

CHAPTER 10.

It was hard for Kate to believe that a year had passed since her shooting. She still had the occasional ache from her chest and still had nightmares but they were few and far between. She had just completed her training to get a promotion to Sergeant—Supervisor Detective Squad, which meant that she would not only work as a homicide detective, but that she would lead all of the detectives at the twelfth and report to the Captain.

She stretched and got out of bed, making her way to the kitchen for her first cup of coffee of the day. She took a sip and smiled. She had always loved the peace in the morning before the hustle of the precinct. She looked around the main room of her apartment and sighed. She saw the latest addition sitting on her coffee table. Rick had dropped it off the night before and gave her a hug before leaving to meet up with Javi and Ryan for some gaming and bonding.

She walked over and sat on the couch, placing her cup on the table before picking up the book. She read the title and snorted.

'Simmering Heat'...wow, he was reaching. She hadn't felt like opening the book last night, but she did this morning. As always she went first to the dedication page even if she wasn't sure that she wanted to read it.

_'To the men and women of the NYPD and especially to the homicide team at the twelfth. Your willingness to let one poor writer become a part of your family and the friendships we've developed will always be in my heart. Thanks especially to the still extraordinary KB for everything._'

And handwritten on the page opposite:

_Kate,_

_We've shared a hell of a ride together. I am glad we are starting to reconnect and I look forward to a life-long friendship with you. You can expect me to be there if you need me because no matter what you inspired me and I can never thank you enough. I hope I've given Nikki the right words...I know I have done so for Rook._

_Your friend always,_

_Rick_

She was pulled from her reverie by a knock at the door. She tied her robe together and looked through the peephole to find Lanie at the door. Shaking her head, she opened the door and let her in. "Good morning, Lanie. What brings you to my door at 7 AM on a Wednesday?'

Lanie shook her head. "Javi is driving me crazy. He's talking about weddings again."

Kate snorted. "Just tell him that YOU will let him know when you're ready."

"I have! Anyway, I also wanted to check on how you are doing today before I head into work."

Kate looked at her confused. "I'm fine?"

"Girl, you know what happened a year ago today!"

"Ah! I'm okay. It's my day off and I was planning on relaxing and reading."

Lanie looked at the book on the table. "Is that Writer-Boy's new one? That's not supposed to come out until Friday!"

Kate smirked. "One of the benefits of being a muse, I guess. He dropped it off last night."

"Did you guys talk?"

"Lanie, we've been talking for a few months. We're both moving past what might have been and he's talking about maybe all of us getting together for fireworks on the Fourth of July."

"Is he still seeing Jordan Shaw?"

"Yeah. They are officially 'dating' now."

"And how do you feel about that?"

"It doesn't make me feel angry or hurt; a little sad, I guess. I talked to Dr. Burke about it and he said it was normal and he was proud that the two of us are trying to be friends again."

Lanie smiled softly. "Well, you let me know if you need a girls' night. There's a new restaurant that I'm dying to try so we'll feast if you want to."

Kate got up and hugged her. "Thanks, Lanie. I'll let you know." They said their goodbyes and Lanie left. Kate settled down on the couch after refilling her cup and opened to the first page. She smiled as she started reading.

Excerpt from 'Simmering Heat':

_Nikki could hear the sounds of laptop keys as she readied herself to knock on his door. She closed her eyes and took a couple of deep breaths before rapping her knuckles on the door twice. The sounds from within stopped except for footsteps approaching the door. The door opened suddenly and the snarky quip she had ready died in her throat._

_She had seen Jameson Rook at his best and at his worst, but nothing could prepare her for the man that stood in front of her. His gaunt frame was not the worst; it was the dead look in his eyes that had always been so full of mischief and, at times, passion._

_He opened the door and there she was…the object of so many of his desires. Nikki Heat was there clad in tight jeans, high heeled boots and that red sweater that she knew he loved. He closed his eyes and reopened them to make sure he was actually awake. "Hello, Nik. What can I do for you, detective?"_

_He watched as she tilted her head and the look of shock left her face. "An invitation to come in would be nice."_

_Grinning he stepped back with a flourish. "As you wish! Detective Heat, please enter my humble abode."_

_Rolling her eyes, she stepped inside. He closed the door and headed for the kitchen. "I wasn't sure I would see you again, Nik. We didn't leave on the best of terms."_

_She looked down as he handed her a cup of coffee. She looked at him in confusion. "Where's yours?"_

_"I'm not cleared for caffeine yet."_

_"Oh." She looked around and took a sip of her coffee. It was perfect and it made her smile. "How are you?"_

_Rook snorted. "I'm okay...still sore but I can get around. How are you?"_

_She sighed and sat down. "I don't know. I thought that I needed space because I was so angry. Then I heard you got shot and I was too cowardly to come back, especially after I heard you had someone with you."_

_He looked at her. "Jolene was an old friend and she came because the one I wanted there was not available."_

_She looked up and into his eyes. "I'm sorry I wasn't there, Jamie. I was not in a good place. I needed to think."_

_He sat down next to her and placed a hand on hers. "And did you think?"_

_She nodded. "Jamie, you've become my best friend and for awhile I thought there was a chance for more."_

_He squeezed her hand. "Thought?"_

_"Yeah, thought. I would love to have had you become my 'one and done' but I realized that we don't have that kind of relationship. You're the only person that I want at my side when we have to find a killer, though."_

_He smiled softly. "I'll be there, Nik. Once I recuperate and they let me I will be right beside you. Always."_

_She smiled. "And I'll stay a one-writer gal. Always."_

_"Good, now want to order in some Chinese? I'm starving."_

Rick sat at the restaurant across from Jordan as they sipped their wine. "I dropped off the book to her last night."

Jordan reached over and took his hand in hers. "And how did that go?"

He shrugged. "It went fine, I think. She didn't open it while I was there but she did give me a brief hug and a peck on the cheek. It was nice."

Jordan sipped her drink, grinning. "A peck on the cheek…should I be jealous?"

Rick rolled his eyes. "Not likely. I did extend the invitation to her for the Fireworks, though."

"Good. Like I said, you guys should be friends again."

"I know, J. We're getting there. So, is Cassie ready for Alexis' graduation on Friday?"

Jordan giggled. "She can't wait! She's sad that Alexis won't be going to school with her next year, though."

"Well, I think missing Cassie was a reason that she finally decided on Columbia so that she isn't too far away."

"I think missing her dad may have played a part."

He snorted. "One can hope."

"Has she written her speech?"

He pouted. "Yeah, but she wouldn't let me proof it for her."

"It has to come from her, Rick. She just wants to prove that she can do things on her own so that you don't worry so much."

"Yeah, like that's going to stop me."

"Don't worry...you have me to whine to."

He squeezed her hand. "I know. So want to go back to my place and make out like teenagers? Alexis and Cassie are staying with Paige tonight."

She grinned. "I suppose."

Rick looked for the waiter. "Check, please!"

**_And so ends our tale. My goal was to play _****_what if Kate's untruths about her feelings finally caught up to her?_****_ For years she had to have realized the attraction and that he was falling for her. When he took in her reaction to his question and realized that she wasn't being truthful, he took that as her saying she did not feel the same as he did._**

**_We all knew differently but it has led us on this merry chase to this point in time. Sure, Rick was not the Rick that we know from the show, but I think it was plausible. Some reviewers have told me that I hate Caskett and others that I needed to commit to a pairing. Well, now you know. If you are looking romantically, this is a Rick/Jordan story. If you are looking for Best Friends that have survived a trial by fire, this is a Rick/Kate story._**

**_Thanks to each of you who took the time to review whether you liked it or not; reviews let us authors know if we are doing what we intend to be doing._**

**_Also, it is great when someone tells me that 'x' should happen when it does, just not at the point in the story that they are reviewing. _**

**_And to the reviewer that posted '_**I don't think you're a very good storyteller!**' ****_I can appreciate that you don't care for something, but what is it exactly that is making me a bad story teller? I cannot improve without knowing. Thanks!_**

**_Please support the other authors on this site by reading and enjoying those who are much better at this than I. I look forward to seeing you with my next story. TTFN!_**


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